Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween is HERE..



Well the kids are excited and it's time to trick or treat!! It's chilly today so we are going to have to change up on the costumes.. Kennedi's Indian costume will be too cold so she's going to be a witch. Keeli is still stuck on the zombie bunny, but the bunny costume will not keep her warm enough. She will be a zombie soccer player. I went to sift through what was left over at the store just for a back up and NOTHING was really left. We just have to go with whats around the house. We've yet to carve a pumpkin!! Yikes. I think we will do that in a few. Maybe even roast our pumpkin seeds.

I remember this time last year I was in a panic over all the candy and how would Keeli even enjoy this day ever again. I've come to realize you just do what you did before. Before diabetes I'd of never let her eat her whole bag of candy so why fear she will want to now? We will go trick or treating have a blast, hope to stay warm... Come home check the candy and I'll let her pick out 30 carbs worth, stick a little insulin in her arm and all will be fine. One good thing is with treats like this, we can put them in out treat jar that we use for lows. We will be stocked for a long while. She told me one day she loved having lows because then she could eat candy with out a shot! :( That makes me sad BUT she was smiling so I pretended to agree. I'm sure tonight when I check her she will run a little high from sugar and excitement but at least she gets to be a kid. I'll worry about all the diabetes stuff so she won't have to. We will prep for our walk, I'll have her a tad higher then normal... so we won't have to worry about a low. If we are lucky we will come home to a good number. I feel like preparing for things helps. It's great when it works out. With diabetes though some days it doesn't matter what you do it tends to rebel. I'll post pictures of the beauties!! and that poor pumpkin that's been neglected. Wishing everyone a safe and wonderful Halloween!!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

What to do?

I've been thinking a lot about how to make a little extra income. My husband found out the place he's been working at for almost 20 years is shutting down. We are a one income family.. This will be so new to us. I know so many people in America are struggling with this very same issue. I'm scared and pissed all at the same time. We have the opportunity to move 8 hours away for my husband to stay with the same company. A part of me feels like we need to do this. We have a child with needs and she may need help when she's older and I want us to be financially able to do anything for her. I think about starting all over from scratch again. We were so young then.. Now we are older and more worn out. How did things get this way? It doesn't even matter anymore who's fault it is, what matters is getting it fixed. I don't want to live scared we can't afford prescriptions that our child needs to survive, or scared we won't be able to feed our children or take them to the doctor when they are sick. Ahh it drives me up the wall just thinking about the change that is about to hit us. I'm clueless as to what we need to do to just make it all OK. I don't want to put Keeli's diabetes care in someone else's hands. I want to be here to take care of her. Monitor her and know how she's doing all day. At least while she's still younger. I need to make money from home. I've looked through several sites and knowing most all of them are a scam it tends to freak you out. I did come across one site that I'm very interested in and I think I'm going to really give it a ton of though over the rest of this week. From what I've read and seen it's legit. Hosting parties is one of my favorite things to do.. and selling bags and purses would be a joy. Blend them both together and I think I could do this. I've got people skills but I've never sold anything in all my life. It would take dedication, but I don't want to get frustrated with it and give up. I know this isn't a get rich business but the extra dollars would be better then nothing. And as of right now I've got nothing to offer. Wish me luck on this decision. I feel good about it, but still guarded. I need to stop being that way and learn to take chances. Looks like we won't have a choice. Back to the research.....

Meatball sub



30 minute clean up.



I have found mornings are the best time for me to get my 30 minute cleaning done. We start our school day with 2 work papers and imagination drawing, I fix my cup of coffee, sit Kennedi on the couch with the Ipad, yes an almost 2 year old can get a lot of use out of the Ipad. I set my microwave timer on 30 min and get started. I unload the dishwasher to make room for the daily dirty dishes, I wipe down the counters from our breakfast mess, I go through the house and sweep kitchen, dinning room, living room and hall. Run the swiffer over each room (wet) pick up the bathroom, dust the living and dinning room. Fold the load of laundry dried the night before. Gather a load to start after 8pm tonight. Go through a straighten any little mess that's been made. Beep beep times up.. It really makes our day go smoother with a clean house. It's never perfect but it's decent. I try to make sure the kids rooms stay cleaned up enough that it will take no longer then 15 minutes to get them back to the way I like them. You never know when you'll have company pop in plus I don't care what anyone says, a cleaned up house just makes you feel better. MY issues are organization skills, I have none. I need to learn. This drives me crazy.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Dinner tonight...

Tonight we decided on spaghetti and meat balls, which I'll make meatball subs with the left overs tomorrow. I will post some pics tomorrow too. It was yummo..
How I do my meatballs...

I used about 3 pounds of meat
1 egg (whites only) no real reason for that other then too much egg makes the meat tough IMO.
Italian bread crumbs
Parmesan cheese
a dash of garlic
mash it all together
I separate about a cup of the meat mixture to cook in with some sauce.
remember I never measure so I just go by the feel..
I roll them into 2 inch balls because they shrink.
I do fry these but they fry in their own nasty grease.
I know they can be baked and I need to start doing that.
I use spaghetti sauce from the jar. I don't make my own because honestly I love the jar kind. I've used several different kind and they all turn out good. I let the balls fry for about 10 minutes and then drain that grease, I then pour about 2 cups of sauce over the top and cover for another 20 or 30 min on med heat. While they are cooking I boil my noodles and fry up the rest of the meat. Drain the noodles pour the sauce over them and mix in the cooked hamburger meat.
I keep the meatballs separate and just add those on top, but it makes it easier to make the meatball subs the next night.

toasted Hoggie buns
meatballs
mozzarella cheese = great left overs.

Keeli's blood sugar 2 hours after spaghetti and meatballs, side salad and garlic knot roll was 175.. Damn noodles...

Just let her play...

I promised myself when I had Keeli I'd let her live fully with out smothering her. When I had our first I was greedy with her. I never would trust anyone to help me take care of her. I was so afraid of SIDS that I hated the thought of her staying with grandparents while she was a baby. They asked and I'd come up with some lame excuse. I was so selfish with her that it makes me angry at myself now. When I had Keeli I knew I'd still be selfish in letting her stay with people but I'd let her climb trees.. jump off the porch.. run barefoot with out the fear of a bee. Every tiny little thing that could happen to my kids consumes me. I do know it's an issue that I have. I can't stop it but I can try and make it better. So when Keeli was able to get around I let her explore inside and out. No baby gate just free range. She learned what she was allowed to touch and what she wasn't. When she was old enough for a swing set I let her go at it. Sure as she climbed the ladder to the play house at the top to slide down that big ole slide I cringed inside but I put on a smile and simply said, "just be careful" she never needed help. She was swinging on her on the day we got it.. sliding on her belly.. fearless to a degree. I loved watching her. I bit my tongue a lot... I let her stay with grand parents, go shopping with my sister. That's a big one for me. The thought of someone losing her or not holding her hand in a parking lot. But I had to trust that she would be ok. Believe me every time she was away having the time of her life I was sitting at home scared to death. I was proud of myself I was keeping my promise. Then came diabetes... It crashed all the strength I had built to let Keeli be free. I'm back to where I was all those years ago with Lindsi. I don't think people understand. Having a diabetic child means ANYTHING can happen. While she's asleep let me be honest she can die. And that's the truth. If she isn't monitored and she drops in her sleep that's all it takes. How can I trust someone to take on that responsibility. I feel like it's living with the fear of SIDS all over again. Some nights I only check her 2 times... There have been lots of nights I check her every 2 hours. Depending on the kind of day she's had. No more feeling the grass between your toes.. She needs shoes. I hate boo boos because if she runs higher it takes longer for them to heal. Not too long ago she was going through a high spell and the dog scratched her.. not bad but it took 2 weeks for that small scratch to heal. it wasn't infected it just looked new for 2 weeks. I homeschool due to shit schools and diabetes. How can I find the strength again to let a little go?



The other day she was playing on the deck. I had the back door open which is on the deck and she was riding her scooter on it.. There is a neighbor girl Keeli's age that asked her to come over and play. I don't even care for these neighbors. I don't know them. I am able to see their back yard from my door (the open door) Keeli ran in and asked if she could please go over there and play in her yard. I took 2 deep breathes and said sure, just until the pizza comes... I knew that would only be about 20 minutes. The little girls mom was outside (she usually isn't that I can see) Keeli ran over there as fast as she could. I walked by the door about 5 times just to take a peak. She was having a blast. She kicked her shoes off and was bouncing on the trampoline, running and just enjoying herself. I bet she didn't think 1 single second about her diabetes, but I did. I didn't want her to have to leave for being low. I didn't want to call her back home so I could check her real quick.. I just trusted in her that she would listen to her body. It was dinner time and I knew she needed to eat. Which means she'll start going low. The pizza came and I stepped out to yell for her. She came home with a huge smile. I did it. I let her go a little. Maybe it's not the parents I'd pick for Keeli to be around BUT as long as she's playing in my view I think it'll be OK. I can't keep my eyes on her every second of her life. I'm just terrified that the minute I stop something will happen. Fact is, she's growing up and I just need to let her....

Kitchen tips...

I think my kitchen stays the messiest of any room. I spend most of my time in here and I don't get much accomplished at all. We tend to be over run with trash.. Nothing worse then stinky trash.. The kitchen is small so even a little mess makes it look like a disaster. I think we seriously have more trash from the 5 of us then anyone else in AMERICA!!! Where does it come from.. Kitchen tips that help me, that I really need to stick to are..
Have your main trash can for regular trash, Keep a grocery bag from the store handy.. The brown paper bags are the best. I think of it as my way to recycle that bag instead of throwing it out. Sit it in from of your sink. Scrape left overs or any food through out the day that could stink up your regular trash can. I can fill a large one up in 24 hours. While our other trash can stays less full with only paper items.. Think of the money saved using bags from the store for your trash and you will only need to replace your reg. trash bag once a week. Nothing smelly in there so why bother? Just take the paper bag you've used all day and chuck it outside in the trash before you head to bed...
I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a dishwasher. I find the best way to keep the sink from being cluttered with cups and dishes is to unload the dishwasher every morning each time we use a cup or a plate we put it in the dishwasher. I fill up a large cup with soapy water and keep it on or in the sink and throw the silverware in it to soak all day.. Those tend to get crusty just sitting in the dishwasher. While I'm cooking dinner I just fill it up with the dishes I use to cook with... Scrape the left over food into that brown paper bag rinse and stick the dinner dishes in the dishwasher. I try not to run it until after 8 pm.. They say it's cheaper on your utility bill. Rather that's true or not I have no clue... But what's it going to hurt? By 8 your most likely done with the kitchen anyway. I put that silverware that has been soaking all day in there and let it run.
Keeping seventh generation disinfectant spray on the window seal to spray the counter tops down at the end of the day help keep those germs away.
I'll admit I'm a paper towel fanatic. We go through them like they are free!! That has to stop.. Keeli has to wash her hands often in order for us to do blood sugar checks. Clean fingers equal a more accurate reading. Just for her alone she goes through about 15 paper towels a day. NO MORE!! From here on out she will have her own hand towel sitting beside the sink for her to use instead. Plus that will cut back on the trash over load too.
I don't change out my swiffer pad everyday.. Those are too costly for me to get one use out of them. If we have a spill I clean it up myself. I've switched to an off brand wet wipe to go on the swiffer. The smell isn't a great as the other but who cares that smell fades as soon as the floors dry. It also doesn't have that rough scraper on her edge but I never used that anyway. These are just fine. I need to check to see the price difference. I sweep everyday and I run the swiffer over the living room, dinning room, hall and kitchen when I'm done. I've noticed the wet pads don't stay wet through that cleaning they start to dry up after a couple of rooms... The good kind and the off brand. I just spray my Mr. Clean febreze on the floor and mop away. I use that pad for about 3 days. Is that gross? Oh well. It works for me. Personally I think a mop is more gross it never gets changed out ;)...

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Homeschool space or lack there of



Oh how I wish we had a spare room or even a basement for me to homeschool in. I see all these homeschool rooms and I think of a million things I could do to one and make it special. Sure I only have one homeschooler but still. I don't over purchase things so it won't take up a ton of space. Last year and the start of this year we used the kitchen table. I have heard of most people doing that which is fine until you need that table. It ends up with a mound of messy papers, books, crayons, craft and it becomes overwhelming and then you end up losing your kitchen table. I decided I was about done using that table. Besides Keeli needed a little space just for school. I found a small table at an antique place my MIL works at (this table isn't an antique) but it was perfect for our small house. There is just enough room for Keeli to do her work and have her books on. Plus I took a fish bowl poured some messy paint drips on the inside of it and added a bow and we put her crayons and color pencils in it. They end up all over the house so instead of worrying about a box we can just toss them in the fish bowl. Keeli had an art easel that I haven't been happy about since Santa brought it. So I broke it down and hung the chalk board on the wall, it had little shelves on the easel to put your chalk and paints in so I took those apart and hung them on the wall... One is for her little reader books and the other one is for her glue and scissors. This keeps those out of reach from the 2 year old. The desk does have a drawer and I use it for her drawing papers. It's a small little area and it's right by the kitchen table but it's serving it's purpose. Since we used little things we already had and the old table was my MIL's we got it for free! The only thing I did to it was paint the top black. I am going to stencil ABC's along the top and get some cute knobs... I'm proud of our free homeschool space. And I have my kitchen table back!!

Dinner







Tonight I planned to have meatball subs... Until I looked in the fridge and remembered I had forgotten my hamburger meat. Blah.. I hate when I do things like that. I forgot about 5 important things on my list... I made a quick dinner that took me about 30 min or less and it was cheap... I decided since I had a couple of chicken breast and some broccoli I'd just make chicken and broccoli casserole... I normally slow cook chicken but since tonight I was in a crunch I just cut it in cubes and threw it in a skillet for about 15 minutes, steamed my broccoli for about 5 minutes, tossed some milk and cream of broccoli soup in a sauce pan. I never really measure anything. I tend to over do the things recipes call for that makes it taste so good. 1 cup of shredded cheese for me equals 2 cups! I layered it.. broccoli, chicken, a few sprinkles of cheese, poured my soup/milk, (2 cans) almost 2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese and bread crumbs. It was really good for a quick dinner. I had a few squash in the fridge so I stuck the casserole in the oven for about 15- 20 minutes and cut my squash. I steam squash until it's almost too tender but that's the only way anyone will eat it around here, I chop a little onion and a spoon of butter let it cook on med high for 15 minutes. Put rolls in the oven and dinner was ready. Everyone cleaned their plates. I'm all for fast cooking. Being from the south the best tasting foods are fried and with bacon grease.. I've gotten away from doing that as often. A few years ago I would have put some bacon grease in that squash, but now I add a little water and butter. It does taste different but it's still good... We have plenty left overs which I'll serve either for lunch or dinner. I'm going to start adding up what these meals cost so I can see just how far I can stretch food and money feeding my family healthy meals on a budget. Counting carbs for a casserole is near impossible for me... I guessed Keeli's serving at 18 carbs added the other since I knew it and waited a couple hours to check her HOPING I got it right... 2 hours after eating she was at 135.. Which means we did good!
















Costumes! and Halloween!






Keeli and her great grandmother..






I made little cherry pies!!!!!!!!!!





My niece had her party and it was so much fun for the kids... Keeli changed her mind about wanting to be a zombie at 9 o'clock the night before!! My husband went out with her and she found what she wanted to be.. a BUNNY? Why such the drastic change? I have no clue. Instead of the whole costume she wanted just the little stupid package that only came with the ears, tail and bow tie.. Which meant my husband had to hunt for the other stuff, body suit, leggings etc.. He called me a few times about where he could locate the items and what size. I hated that she picked this kind of bunny out because just a couple of years ago she was a cat and it was all the very same stuff. BUT it's about the kids so I didn't say anything. They were out of white leggings, shoes, and everything else that she needed so he had to get black. We made it work. I ended up sewing a bunny belly on her leotards and stuffing it and I sewed the tail on the back. Added some face paint, which BTW sucks! That stuff is a joke. It never seems to dry.







Kennedi's outfit needed a few adjustments at the last minute but personally I think she had the cutest costume there!




Keeli's blood sugars were great. That's something we fear as parents... Candy, sweets, excitement and diabetes are not friends. It's very unpredictable. I wish people understood how hard it is on a child and the parents when the FUN at a party is over shadowed by a disease. I don't put that responsibility off on Keeli. I let her have her fun. I pull her away from time to time for a quick check. I monitor her as discreetly as possible. There is no need for extra attention to be drawn. It was a great day and we didn't let diabetes stand in the way of that. Now we need our Halloween night plan! What kid doesn't want to eat a butt load of candy on Halloween night?

Friday, October 21, 2011

Do you believe?




I find myself obsessed watching anything on ghosts... Ghost Hunters and Paranormal state are probably my favorite. There are a few I don't care for. I want to see things filmed not dramatized... May as well watch a movie. I don't know where my interest came from. I will lay there at night watching all this crazy stuff scared shitless. My husband says I'm going to open some evil porthole by watching it all.




Growing up the home I lived in most of my childhood was new. As a matter of fact all the homes on my side of the street were brand new. 1 house down the road across the street was older. I don't know what was there before they built homes. I've tried to look it up but the computer can diagnose an illness but it can't tell me what was on a certain property 30 years or more ago. Sure I was a preteen-teen... but my imagination wasn't playing tricks on me. That house was haunted.. As a matter of fact the whole road was. I had two good friends on each end but I never discussed it with the one friend that lived in the older home. She was very religious and I just thought she'd think we were crazy... But my other friend.. Wow we experienced some crazy stuff growing up. Her house was more bad spirited then mine. In mine you could hear the footsteps, voices, cabinets closing. Things moving. Only 1 time did I hear my name being whispered. I was home alone and it scared me probably more then anything else that had happened. her house on the other hand was very cold and scary. Behind our homes were nothing but woods and a few tobacco barns. It was almost a drop off but not too steep that we couldn't climb down to explore. I remember one day seeing some weird looking "thing" walking around but it was so fast I couldn't really tell what it looked like either way it wasn't a person, too big, and it wasn't a dog because it was walking on 2 legs. I don't believe in Bigfoot so I don't know what I really thought it was. I never said a word to anyone about it because so many things happened that some things didn't stand out. A few days after spotting the "thing" my friends older brother was on his bike about to head down the heel, they had made a path way from their house to the creek at the bottom. I asked her where he was going in a rush and she tells me, Oh, he's crazy... He swears he just seen Bigfoot. WTF? At her home (2 homes down from mine) we had seen glowing red eyes, glasses with drink in them shattering in our hands. One night she was asleep on the couch and woke up to that awful static, and in the chair in front of the couch was her step dad. She new it was him because she seen the back of his head and the same shirt he'd wore that day. She called his name and he turned around and it wasn't him.... but it faded away.. One morning I woke up from a horrible dream, I was being chased by a witch and the closer she'd get to me her nails would stab me in the back. A few minutes after I woke up she called me to tell me about the dream she had just had... it was the very same dream I had. We both had marks on our backs. There are a number of things that took place. As scary as it was, I'm not going to lie, we had fun with it. Freaking ourselves out. Something about being a teen a terrified was fun as long as we had each other. After I moved out I still stayed in contact with the other friend who lived on the opposite end that I never told. In general conversation she brings up the ghosts in her house, yeah the same house she grew up in. There was something about the street. It's unsettling and I'd love to find out more. I know what I went through then and I know it was all true. My husband brushed a lot of it off until he was at that house by himself and heard people upstairs. He just figured my mom came home while he was downstairs so he ran up to tell her hey only to find that no one was there. He quickly left the house. I'm glad he experiences a little something. I know I'm not crazy but now he knows I'm not crazy either. Well crazy concerning that... I've only had a few things happen since we left the house. Some were scary and some were odd a few were a blessing. My Grandmother passed away several years ago, I'll write about her one day. A beautiful lady... I feel like she's sent a few messages... One day my husbands keys were missing. They always laid on the kitchen table.. he got ready to leave and.. no keys. We turned the house upside down. The only things on the kitchen table was a center piece, and 4 place mats... We searched forever. He ended up being about 45 minutes late for work... He ended up taking a spare key but he needed this set because he had keys for work on that ring. After he left I looked for another hour. He called me when he arrived for work to ask me if I found them and I told him no... and as I was saying that I walked by the kitchen table and there they sat. Right on the end where he always put them. He told me that maybe it was a good thing they were "missing" because there was a horrible wreck on the way to work... Had he of left on time it's possible he could of been in that wreck. Those keys weren't there the whole time... I don't know where they were or how they got back there but they were missing for a reason. He hasn't lost his keys since... After my Granny passed away my grandfather, being a man, couldn't be alone... With in a few months he'd made a friend. Blah! Someone he knew a long time ago. As a matter of fact both my grandparents knew her and her late husband. I wasn't all too happy about any of this and neither was my mother. but we knew he was lonely and would have just grieved himself to death. So we faked our smiles and acted like we care. One night during a dream I received a phone call... I heard the voice on the other end say, Sissy? (that's what my granny and other family members call me)... In my dream I knew she was dead... and my eyes filled with tears at just the sound of her distinct voice and all I could say to her was Granny.... She said 1 sentence and I woke up. She said, I don't like this.. him being with her, I don't like it at all.... What was I supposed to do with that? I continued to fake it with this other lady but after that phone call it was hard. Eventually that lady left my grandfather and took almost all of his money. It was money my grandmother had scrapped and saved, also money she had saved from the death of her parents. Did she call me to warn me of her? She did know her after all. After the phone call I found out this lady had been married 3 times! My grandfather is a preacher. 2 of her husbands have died and the other is missing? Say what???? Think what you will but I believe my Granny was telling me how she felt about Granddaddy and his new love interest. I mean how much info can someone give you from beyond?




I think having an open mind leaves doors open. I have an open mind... but as much as I love my Granny I don't want to see her standing in my living room!! Through all the things I've experienced I never felt threatened. It's interesting to me. We live lives here on Earth. Life is remarkable in itself who knows what we are capable of after we pass!!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Diabetes and Homeschooling

Today I decided it was time to make a few ratio changes with Keeli's insulin. I've put it off for just a little bit because the weather is changing.. One day she can play outside and the next day it's cold and rainy. Playing outside helps so much to bring numbers down and staying couped up just seems to make them higher. Well, I'd seen enough 180-250's and changed things. I was thinking about how when I made changes if she were away from me for almost 7 hours a days going to school I wouldn't be able to monitor her numbers as closely... Did I do too much, too little... I'm so thankful to be able to homeschool. I can't put that trust in someone else at this time. I commend other mothers who are brave enough to send their children to school. Maybe if we had a better system or nurses that worked full time.. maybe even if I knew Keeli was mature enough to treat a low as soon as she felt it. I just don't have that comfort. For now homeschooling works for us. I can't say I'll do it forever because I miss her getting up and getting ready and coming home and telling me all about her day. I hate to be away from her but watching her thrive with Independence is a wonderful sight... We will just have to wait and see how this next year goes. She's happy at home and I'm happy having her. As for her number changes today.. She did have 1 low. Which I've not seen a low in a LONG time. As for her other readings... She hasn't had a reading above 112 today. I love seeing that. It makes me feel like that just maybe her body feels normal. I know with diabetes the good numbers only last for a short time and then more adjustments have to be made but while it's good it's good!!

Getting ready for a Halloween Birthday Party!

My Niece is turning 4 this week and she is having a Halloween birthday party. My mission for the rest of this week is to create the costumes for the kids. It's so much more fun making your own. Plus who wants to pay 30-50 bucks for a one time wear outfit. Some are so cheap it should be a crime to sell them at the price they do! Kennedi is going to be a little Indian. Keeli started off wanting to be a wolf... How on Earth am I supposed to make her a wolf with out sticking fur on her skin. I finally talked her out of that idea... It took me a while because she was hell bent on it! She exchanged that idea for a zombie... Blah.. Not a lot better but surely we can make this cute? freaky? Either way it won't be as itchy!! For the party I'm going to make chex mix and little pies on a stick. I have some Halloween cookie cutters I think will work perfect. Lets home they turn out as cool in real life as they look in my head! I'll post pictures of the kids and the little pies when I finish them!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Comb overs...







I was thinking today about comb overs. We laugh and snicker behind men's backs when we see one of those sad attempts to hide a balding head. But why? After thinking about it I feel bad. I've seen some that I wish they'd shave it all off. Nothing wrong with a bald man. Check Vin Diesel out or Patrick Stewart... I think their shiny heads are what makes them beautiful. As I was getting dressed today I was trying to find a shirt to cover my muffin top.. It's getting bigger with age, and no exercise. Not to mention I just woofed down some Arbys! Is this baggy shirt my belly comb over? My attempt to hide this aged fat? Probably so. :(

Keeli's Diagnosis

This is a picture of all the supplies it takes to care for Keeli in 1 month... Over 120 shots in a month. Over 200 finger pokes in 1 month...





I thought I would share the day we found out Keeli was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and the feelings and all the emotions you go through.

We made the decision to hold Keeli back from starting kindergarten until she turned 6. We had several reasons and I haven't regretted it at all. She needed to go to her well check up and she had to get her last 3 booster shots. She had gained a little weight but not much. Nothing new for her she's aways been little. We took the pee test and the nurse came back in and asked us to take 1 more because it came back with sugar in her urine. We did another one and I remember thinking to myself what does that even mean. I didn't know anything about it. I probably thought about what she'd had for breakfast that morning. The nurse came back in and told me, "this is strange, no sugar this time"... must of been a defect in the test. I said ok, great and we were on our way. She was so excited about starting school. I was a wreck but I knew I was only 5 minutes away so I could go and eat lunch or help out if the teacher needed me. School started.. For the most part she did really good. Her teacher loved her and I loved her teacher. Keeli did cry a lot. She gets her feelings hurt easy. She didn't want to ever miss a day but she really would of liked it better if I was there at school ALL the time. She got the typical viruses kids get from school... I did notice she was more tired but really she was on a routine and had busy days with waking up early. Life was good... but that urine test for some reason just wouldn't leave my mind. I finally decided to look it up. I needed to just see the what if's... had it of come back again with sugar. Type 1 diabetes.. there is was big bold black letters. I read and read and read. I brushed it off and thought thank God that test showed no sugar. Then I felt like everywhere I turned I was seeing or hearing something about Type 1... At the store, would you like to make a donation for Type 1 diabetes? Nick Jonas was big, There was an episode on the disney channel about a kid with type 1... Then the Apprentice, I've not watched that show since the first season. But there I sat obsessed watching Bret.... What was the deal with all this Type 1. I started feeling like it was a sign. I really started getting scared. I did more research and I was angry that Keeli's pedi office didn't insist on one more test or have us come back another day that week. If she has diabetes this is serious. I got so angry at the office I ended up calling them and telling them I wanted all her records and that I wanted to change pedi's. I had been frustrated at them for a long while now, (a whole other story) but this would of topped it off. This place was literally a 2 minute drive from our home and I've used them for 18 years... But something was telling me to make that change. So I did.... I found an office that I had heard great things about and told them I was searching for a new pedi but with insurance Keeli wasn't due for her next visit for several months. I told them that was fine and she was fine, BUT I wanted her tested for type 1 diabetes, just to ease my mind. I explained to the lady on the phone about her first urine test and how they should of done a 3rd to rule it out... She agreed and set us up an appointment... months in advance, but that IF anything happens to just call and she'd get us in. She acted a little shocked about my request for this urine test but she listened to me instead of treating me like I had no clue since there weren't any symptoms YET. I told my husband that I called and found Keeli a new doctor, he wasn't surprised since he knew I had been fed up with the old office and then I told him I wanted her urine checked for diabetes... Well, I think that upset him.. He didn't want to talk about it and probably thought I was off my rocker. I just explained that it was simply to make me feel better. We didn't talk about it anymore. Time passed... maybe I was looking for things, and maybe things were really happening. I'll list the Off things that I noticed.

First.. Her pants all have the adjustable waste on the inside... At the start of the year we adjusted it to a smaller fit, through out the school year it expanded... by the end of the school year we were back to the same spot we started off with.

She was hungry.... I would wake up in the morning hearing her rummaging through the pantry..

Her belly started hurting off and on, she called it butterflies.

about 2 days out of the week she would lay on the couch because her head hurt and fall asleep.

All those things may stand out but if you add her day into it those could be excused..

She may be thinning out because she's getting older and losing baby fat.
She's hungry because she's a growing girl.
Her head hurts and she's sleepy because she's having to wake up for school so early, and her eyes just may be bothering her from trying to see the board, or doing school work.
Her belly may be upset because she gets upset about being away from me at school...

There was a reason for each of those things.... Then she got a virus. Keeli throws up pretty easy and she catches any bug she comes in contact with. This has always been the case with her. But she was throwing up more often. After this one virus she threw up 1-2 times a day for a week. She acted like she felt ok, just recovering from the virus.

A few weeks before her appointment. She was looking thinner. She needed a drink ALL the time. She had a few accidents in her sleep. Her belly was hurting even more. She was so hungry. We would go through a day or two and then nothing.. back to normal. It was all so subtle.... A few days before her appointment. She drank a whole box of Capri sun in 1 day. I didn't know she was getting them out and when I'd see her with one I just figured it was one from earlier. I didn't realize it until I picked up an empty box. She whispered something in my ear on one of those days, and the smell of her breath took me by surprise.... It was very different. Sweet, but strong. She didn't smell like Keeli. I looked that up and sure enough that was a sign... but I still wasn't convinced... She as still through all of this acting like her normal self. Laughing, playing hard and having fun. The days before her appointment we went to the zoo.... She loves the zoo. She did great. I got one of those huge refill drinks and we shared it and she asked me several times to carry her that her legs hurt and she couldn't walk anymore, typical kid... I told her no she has to suck it up, but she caught a ride on her sisters back for a while. That night before the appointment I got all my questions ready and was set....

The appointment was at 9am... Keeli ate a small breakfast. 2 slices of bacon and toast. We get lost and end up being 15 minutes late.. I had planned on 15 minutes early because I knew all that new patient paper work was waiting on me... I called to let them know I was lost.. We found the place and as soon as we walked in I was pleased. I met her new doctor. Keeli took all the tests they give you, eye test, hearing tests, weighed her and measured her... Afterwards the doctor came in and talked to me about her weight and height. She had finally gotten taller and she was on the chart (kinda) .4 percentile!!! Then she told me her weight... 38 pounds. she's 6 and weighs 38 pounds.... The doctor told me not to worry that she's fine just small. I told her that is the exact weight she was 1 year ago, and that concerns me. As she was reassuring me and telling us how glad she was to meet us and pretty much that we could be on our way, I interrupted her and told her that my soul purpose for this appointment was for a urine test. She was puzzled. I explained and she told me that she'd be happy to do one, but she did look at me like I was wasting my time. I didn't care.. I wanted to know so I could stop holding my breath. We took the pee sample and waited... I feel like we waited forever... Keeli was playing hop scotch on the tile in the room, and telling me she was hungry.. and all she wanted to do was go home so she could swim. Then I heard her new doctor just outside our door. I told Keeli to be quiet so I could hear what she was saying. She was talking to someone on the phone. Then I heard her clearly, she was talking to the closest children's diabetes center. She called an endo and she was talking about Keeli. She was setting up an appointment. She came into our room and said.. I'm sorry, but you are right, Keeli has sugar in her urine and I've set up an appointment for her and you have to go immediately. Expect her to have to stay at that hospital for up to 3 days. I felt a flood of emotions and I couldn't hear her anymore, I couldn't think, I was numb. I just wanted to be wrong. I just wanted that test to stop my fear and obsession I had with worrying something wasn't right with Keeli. But no, I was right. Keeli was still playing hop scotch, she wasn't even listening. I told the doctor and the nurse that I had to go home first, and get my husband. He was asleep when we left. He works at night and probably doesn't even remember her having this appointment. They told me no, that I really must go straight to the hospital. I lost it. I told them I'm sorry but I will be driving to get my husband that I can't do this on my own and I needed him, we needed to all 3 go through this and understand this together. The nurse told me that I just needed to do what I need to do, and she had to tell me what she was supposed to tell me and she winked at me and told me to go. I knew that was my cue to go straight home grab my husband and head to the hospital.

As we left the office, Keeli kept asking me what was wrong. I tried to stop crying so she wouldn't be scared but this time I couldn't hold it all in. She was hungry we had been at that appointment
for almost 3 and a half hours. It was her lunch time. I'd already drove past all our typical fast food stops all that was left on the way home was Dairy Queen. But what the hell do I order? I knew that diabetes had something to do with your body and carbs but what? I didn't know enough. She needed to eat because I didn't know what else we had ahead of us. I ordered her a hot dog, tater tots and a water. She gobbled it up on the drive home. We finally reached the drive way and then I felt like I was wrong by not taking her straight to the hospital, what if something happens between now and the 45 min drive there? Does it get that bad that fast? I was so clueless and felt helpless. I knew when I seen my husband he was upset and had been crying. He told me he was sorry for no listening to me when I tried to talk to him about all of this a few months ago, but none of that even mattered anymore to me. All I wanted was answers and the see the endo. We were on our way....

After being late (again) we finally reached the children's clinic. This hospital is too big and confusing but thank God for a friendly staff. We met with several people. Keeli had to have her blood drawn for all these tests and we talked to the Dr that was there that day. He has had diabetes since he was 2 years old. He is a sweet man and I felt good knowing there was someone who has LIVED with this disease that still looked healthy. He talked and talked and then he said... She will need 4 shots a day... 4? I thought does he mean until she gets better? No, every single day for the rest of her life. 4... That was it. That's when it hit me about as hard as anything could in my entire life. Keeli is a Type 1 diabetic and she will need to be treated for the rest of her life. Why? What caused this? What did I do wrong? Is she going to live? Is she going to need some organ transplant in the near future? Is she going to be OK? All the bad shit that I read on the computer flooded my brain. This is impossible. She looked at me while I was crying and asked me, why are you crying mama? I'm going to me ok. Is your mind capable of absorbing all the information they throw at you at the very same time you are grieving over a diagnosis of your child? NO!! It's not. I can say we are one of the lucky few. Keeli wasn't sick enough to have to stay at the hospital we got to take her home that night. We were on our on. I was scared to hurt her and I'd cry when she'd cry. Everything about those first couple of weeks were unfair. A horrible dream that I couldn't wake up from. Then one day reality sunk in and I realized this was life... Our life, Keeli's life. When people said "it could be worse" I'd get so angry... But it's true. We have her, she's still Keeli and hasn't changed a bit. It was me who had changed. I was the one that couldn't see past diabetes. I was the one that was causing myself all the fear. I went to the classes, learned about food, carbs, and all that stuff that really you just need a good book to learn from. The classes are a nice offer but taking them so early after your child is diagnosed is too much info overload. The fact is parent of a Type 1 are learning how to keep our children alive. Every child is different, their bodies are different and react different to foods and absorption... The key is to find your own way. We are still learning and with this disease I think will forever be learning. It's hard in the beginning poking your little one, and giving them shots, making their little fingers bleed..changing their food etc. until you realize that all those pokes and shots and changes are whats going to keep them healthy and thriving and alive. No, insulin is not a cure, but it's all we have right now. Insulin in my opinion is life. I'm finally OK. Sure I still cry but not as often. I think about her future and how things will be for her. I think about will she have children. What will she be when she grows up, will she be discriminated against, will she have insurance, will she find someone who loves her enough to be willing to take care of her if she has a bad day. I think about driving, and college. It's overwhelming but normal to think about all of these things. After all diabetes or not they would all still be something I'd think about. I believe Keeli will live a long healthy life. I hope since she has to endure this disease that she uses it to spread awareness and helps others one day, then there would be a reason for it. Right now I still don't see a reason. I hate the disease and I hate she has it. But now I can take that breath I've been holding for so long... Life is better.







Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Poor Fishy
















We've had this one fish for years. I'm talking 11 years!! He had a family and they died off one by one until it was just him. He stayed alone for several years in his big ole fish tank home. Then one day I noticed he would swim side ways, upside down, lay on the gravel then get back up. The poor thing wouldn't give in. We had this fish before Keeli (8) was even born. She loved her fish. Lindsi (19) has had this fish since the second grade. I called him the ghost fish. I figured he probably had been dead for 5 or 6 years but his spirit was lingering around.... Well after watching him float and fall for 2 days we decided to "send him off to sea" with the other fish.. The port hole being the toilet... Keeli asked for more fish over and over again. I kept putting it off. I'm not a fan of taking care of a fish tank. It's a pain in the ass and it's so gross. As I pondered over when or if I even wanted anymore the algae continued to grow in the fish tank. We shut the lights off unplugged it and ignored it for a month! Lindsi decided she would surprise Keeli with some new fish and she got an algae eater too.. We needed one! Keeli was happy she had her fish and her "allergy eater" That thing ate and ate until the tank was spotless... He did great! Last night I noticed he was belly up on the gravel... Dang not again.. Keeli will be heart broken if I have to tell her this.. I didn't mention it and when my husband got home I told him about the fishy... Keeli wakes up this morning and I'm dreading her even walking by the fish tank. Every morning she asks "can I feed my fish" She walks to the tank and I see her looking all around. I act like I don't notice. Then she asks where's my allergy eater? I said huh? Where is my allergy eater? So I told her, honey, while you were asleep last night I seen him belly up and well... her eyes got big.. and said, he died???? OMG that is so sad, right? I told her yeah it was. Then she said well, it's sure a good thing he got that tank clean before he died!! She fed her fish and started her day. That was that!

Shopping for a Teen..

With Christmas fast aproaching I need to start giving some thought on what to get the kids... Most of the younger I'll be able to find at Toys R Us.. Our oldest daughter, (19) is the hardest to shop for but for me the most fun. She is into fashion. Clothes, shoes, handbags, etc. I'm excited to explore this site. I just spent 20 minutes and I've already found several things I know she would love. Some things are pricey and more then I could ever spend but they also have great deals!! Hopefully all my shopping for her will be a click away!! I wanted to share the site...

Grocery shopping

I hate going to the store.. Before you leave you ask everyone in the house what they need or want and everyone says, Oh it doesn't matter.. I don't care.. Your gone for and hour and a half struggling with decisions and prices to come home to.. I can't believe you didn't get this, why didn't you get that.. yang yang.. To make room for the groceries you bought you have to throw out the crap load that's gone bad. Dollar here a dollar there and before you know it you realize you just threw 20 or more bucks in the trash of wasted or spoiled food. Is there a rule that people aren't allowed to eat the last serving of chips? The last drink? Or left overs? As the prices rise at the store I'm noticing even more how much we waste. We are a family of 5.. the age range in the house is between an almost 2 year old to 40 years old. 40, 36, 19, 8, 2.... Our groceries total over 1000 a month. That's not including the Zaxbys or McDonalds we may pick up during the week, or on a lazy weekend. It's out of control. I seriously want to find a way to cut that in half. It may take me a while to learn but I think it can be done. We eat pretty good around here, but the snacking is our biggest issue. Teenagers snack, toddlers snack, Hubby snacks, and I'd rather snack then eat a meal. I think I'm going to try my hardest to try to find cheap somewhat healthy meals for this family... We need to venture out. I want my family to eat healthy but I know in reality unless you grow it yourself or trust that everything that says it's organic really is then you just have to go with it and hope for the best. I've cut out the juice. Yes, I watched Dr. Oz and haven't bought juice since. We've survived! I buy fruit and veggies.... I do have to resort to some canned foods.. I hate boxed food. No one will eat hamburger helper. I don't even know if we've ever tried it. Frozen foods creep me out, other then pizza rolls and bagel bites. I could probably live off of those. I don't buy them often because I will eat them ALL... I'm on a mission to cheapen our grocery bill and find or make my own recipes that don't cost an arm and a leg. I've noticed some things at the store have even doubled in price. The store brand milk is at the same price I used to purchase organic milk for. Green tea added 45 cents per bottle! String cheese is over 5 bucks. Hamburger meat is up a dollar... it's everywhere. I can't believe the rise in prices. What a great time to do this to customers. I used to never buy off brands but lately I've tried a few things. Some aren't any different while others just need to stop being made. But you never know unless you give it a shot. We drink instant coffee, both my husband and myself would rather have that then brewed (weird huh?) I decided to try the store brand because it was 3 dollars cheaper then the kind we typically purchase. I didn't tell my husband and when I brought him that first cup I knew he was going to ask me what kind of shit is this? BUT he didn't say a word. He didn't see the container until after he'd been drinking it for 3 weeks. He gave me an odd look when he seen it and asked me if this is what I got instead of our norm and then said he didn't even notice.. yay 3 bucks saved!! Milk store brand 2 bucks saved!! Doesn't sound like much but add that up and that's a total of 20 bucks a month. I also decided to try out a different laundry detergent.. We have for the past 20 years switched between Gain and Tide. I couldn't imagine using anything different until now. I've been using Purex.. And I really do like it. I tried Arm and Hammer and it just didn't cut it. My husband gets pretty dirty at work and that wasn't strong enough. We've also been using cheaper shampoo. My husband still likes our old kind so I get that for him. But even the shampoo, conditioner, soap, deodorant, toothpaste, and mouth wash adds up in this house. The baby uses baby product, she has her own shampoo, soap, toothpaste, lotion... Our 8 year old, has her own tooth paste mouth wash and deodorant, me and the teen use the same... then my husband uses all his products. I'm going to start couponing for ALL of that stuff... It's too costly and somethings got to give. There are so many ways to cut corners I've just been blind to it for all these years. Sometimes letting go of what your used to is hard, but giving other things a try could lead to something you like even better or something you could learn to like.. I'll start this week.... HOPEFULLY!!

Monday, October 17, 2011

More party fun..

We had fun decoration for a luau! I wish I had taken more pictures... That's not dirt on the house it's smoke from the tiki torches. When I seen the picture I thought eww.. our house is DIRTY!! I investigated and it's smoke.
























Diabetes today.

Today I'm frustrated. Some days it feels as if we could concur the world. When Keeli's numbers are great and she feels good it makes me feel as if I'm doing something right. When her numbers are high and she feels crappy I feel like a failure. We have great days... some days life seems almost normal. Then there are days where it rules you. I hate to let it but I feel like as a parent my number 1 priority in my life is to make sure I take the best care of Keeli as possible. They teach you not to feel that way. But how can I not? If I didn't put it first then what would happen? Sure she can do all the things other kids do, BUT.... with caution. And when I say that I don't mean she can't run as hard or as fast or that she isn't capable of succeeding in sports or anything else she does in her life, but the fact is she has to take care of her diabetes or there will be a price to pay. The key to managing diabetes is to monitor. If you don't know what your blood sugar is then how can you treat it? Fun days = extra diabetes caution... Sure she has to stop what she's doing to be checked, or have a snack, or drink water... but I try my hardest to prepare her body for any extra activity that she may do... Dealing with diabetes, doctors, insurance, pharmacy companies, and other peoples opinions gets to you after a while. BUT... As George Lopez says.. I've got this!!!! I know I do. I know I can deal with it and do my very best to see to it that Keeli stays healthy. But I can still vent...
I hate that my child will go through this for the rest of her life, but I'm grateful it's a disease that if she takes care of herself that life will be a long life.

I hate that pharmaceutical companies are getting rich off of sick children. They give you shit if you need a prescription filled a little early. Things happen. Sick days may equal extra insulin, more blood sugar check which means extra strips. More shots equal extra syringes. I'm not going to CVS trying to get any extra Oxycontin. I'm getting survival prescriptions for a child. I've never heard of anyone getting high on insulin. Why be so strict. I understand rules, don't get me wrong, but it pisses me off.

I hate that our insurance company gets to decide what prescriptions my child receives. What if one things works better for Keeli?

I hate that I need syringes right now, and for the past 3 days our pharmacy is waiting on a doctor to call it in to be refilled. I took care of this 2 months ago and yet here we sit waiting. I'm so frustrated that there is ALWAYS something like this going on. Thank God for a spare stash I had for "just in case"

When Keeli was first diagnosed we were told she will need 4 shots a day... her prescription was written out for 100 syringes a month. You do the math. What was I supposed to do? reuse? NO... that's not going to happen. I called and asked for more, and they did add 30 more. They tell you blood sugar should be checked 6 times a day... Extra activity, adds more checks, being sick adds more checks, running low, adds more checks, running high adds more checks... We are prescribed 200 test strips a months. Really? On sick days I check her blood sugar between 10-12 times. How many errors do we get in a month? Several! I hate that every time I see an error I feel sick because I'm scared we will run out of strips that much faster. Why do we have to feel that way? Aren't we under enough stress as it is? Thank you piece of shit insurance company for allowing us just enough insulin, strips and syringes to get by.. I love the sick feeling I get at the end of the month EVERY month that we are going to run out of the necessary things to keep our daughter healthy... and alive.

update: I finally got a hold of someone at our endo's office and they called the syringes in. Thank God... I had 1 left!! Taking 3-4 days to get something called in is insane. I couldn't pick the prescription up because I got in the car and my battery was DEAD!! That's fun... Thank you to my sweet sister who picked it up for me. So, the strawberries that I made the other night, that money can go towards a new battery. Isn't life fun?

Friday, October 14, 2011

Chocolate..







Last week our niece had her wedding and my SIL/bestie asked me if I'd make the chocolate covered strawberries... around 150!!!!!!!! I'm a people pleaser so I said sure! Really I do love doing things like that. It's creative and if someone needs my help I'd rather it be something like that then strenuous work. From wash time to the last dip I was done in 3 hours.. Now the clean up, that's a whole other story. I'm a messy messy mommy... They were pretty and I was rather proud. Well, I guess I did better then I thought I did because a lady there asked me if I'd make her some for a wedding for this weekend... I told her SURE.... She's paying me to get the stuff and for my time. I'm about to start... I'll post pictures of them when I'm finished. Keeli's cousin is over I'll make the kids a couple too...














Parties..




















































I love little parties... I wanted to share a few pictures of Kennedi's first birthday party. She will be 2 soon. I can't believe how fast this year has flown by!



Thursday, October 13, 2011

scatter brain

Wow!! I totally forgot I started a blog! I've said for months now.. I wish I had a blog. I tried to start one and what did it tell me? YOU HAVE ONE. I didn't even know my password. What a crazy year and a half... Maybe I'll show dedication this time around.. If not I'll come back next year.