Sick of Sick..

Hello winter, cold weather, bulky coats, stupid gloves, and VIRUSES... We have all been sick in this house. The bad thing is I don't know if we all have the very same thing. I need to Christmas shop and just don't feel like it.

At walmart a couple weeks ago Keeli needed to use the restroom but there was a sign that said wet floor, I told her to just be careful walking they must of just cleaned to bathrooms.. Great time to go! A man walks out and tells us that someone just threw up all over the floor.. I told Keeli to run!! It never fails with Keeli, she could be with in 100 feet of a sick person and she gets it! On our drive home Lindsi calls me to tell me that Kennedi just threw up!! HUH? We cant get away from puke! A day later my husband calls me from work and tells me he's sick... I try to keep Keeli away from viruses as much as I can. Being diabetic only makes being sick more frustrating. Highs lows.. ketones... blah! A day later Keeli's sick... Yesterday I knew I was getting something.. I could feel it in my chest. I sent Lindsi a text and told her that I was getting sick. Lindsi came home pooped and threw up 3 times... Gah!!! When will this go away!? I'm popping these vitamin things my husband picked up that you let dissolve on your tongue every 3 hours. I'm going to see just how well those work!! I feel like crap BUT not horrible. Either the vitamins are helping or the fact I'm a mom and it doesn't matter if I'm sick or not. Clothes still need to be washed, house cleaned, dinner cooked, animals fed, I went to the grocery tonight.. I find if I avoid the symptoms the best I can it does help. What do you do? I have to take care of Keeli!! Tomorrow is a new day! Here's to everyone feeling BETTER!!

Chicken Veggie soup
2 chicken breast (I like the bone in and skin) cook in slow cooker for 6 hours with 2 -3  cups water and 1-2 cans cream chicken soup.. at 4 hours I pick the chicken off and toss the bones and skin, then I cut up 5 red potatoes, cup of cut up carrots, half an onion, salt and pepper, then I cook for 2 more hours. It's good especially when you feel like crap!

Quick Holiday decorations...
I just realized I don't have a wreath on our front door... I had a berry one from last year that I really like but can't seem to remember where I've put it so... I remembered I had an old picture frame that I never use anymore and I painted it a bright teal color and used ribbon to hang pine cones. I have those little balls sitting around so I figured to give it a little more I'd add a few of those. I just hot glued those in the corner. Something fast and a little different to hang up. I'm never good with center pieces. I LOVE a pretty table but we use our table for everything rather it's school, projects, making bows etc.. I can't imagine having to undo and redo a table. I found a pretty basket and threw in some greenery, apples, and pine cones and it fits everything else in the house. I have a little tree sitting in the dinning room that matches the basket. Keeli has been making snow flakes all different colors and I'm going to TRY to hang those this weekend from the ceiling with fishing wire. There isn't mush time left until Christmas is here... We may as well enjoy decorations while they last..

Old to New Christmas outfit..

I've never really "made" anything before. I'm excited to learn this whole sewing process. I decided I would go through some old clothes and play with some scraps. I came across an old black shirt I had. I can't even believe I bought this thing. UGLY!! Black pin stripped button up shirt. I took a look at it and wondered what it would look like if I chopped the bottom part off and made Kennedi a skirt. I cut, pleated, and sewed! It turned out pretty cute. It needs to be ironed. I found an old yard sale Ralf Lauren sweater that Kennedi had and added a little flower and made her a hair bow to match. Now I'll search for some stockings to match... She has a free cute Christmas outfit. I'm pretty excited that my very first try turned out pretty good! Can't wait to take a picture of her in it!

My Favorite Chicken recipe..

I wanted to share a recipe real quick. I wish I had a picture to post because it's a very pretty dish.. Remember I don't measure..

You will need:
3-4 skinless chicken breasts
4 bell peppers (I get all the colors I can find)
large onion
3-4 squash
cherry tomatoes
honey
Worcestershire sauce
large baggies
garlic powder
skewers

I take my chicken and cut it into cubes, I fill a large zip lock bag with about a cup or 2 of honey a few dashes of Worcestershire sauce, sprinkle a little garlic and add the chicken to the bag, mash it all up to cover the chicken. Let it sit in the fridge for several hours. The longer the better. I'd shoot for at least 4 hours..

I chop up my veggies the same way big enough for the skewer. do the same with the veggies as you did your meat. and place in a separate baggie. Let the chicken and veggies sit in the fridge for about 4 hours or more.. Then skewer them rotating however you'd like.. I always place a cherry tomato at the end to keep the other stuff from sliding off. I grill these at a med heat. You will of course want to cook until the chicken is done, but I do like my peppers onion and squash a little on the soft side. This is a very good chicken recipe. It taste great over rice. All those colors in the peppers and the yellow squash make the dish beautiful. Why only use the grill in the summer? As long as it's not raining, we continue to use ours through out the year.

Ahh Keeli and her words..

Today Keeli decided she wanted McDonalds for lunch.. On the way there she remembered she had a stash of suckers hidden in the passenger door of her daddy's truck. She got them out and counted them.. There were 5. She tells me she's just like a squirrel hiding nuts. I say yep.. you sure are.. Being Keeli, she has to make up a name for everything. She decided those suckers are her suck nuts...

A home for the Gingerbread Man

Every year we buy one of those ready to decorate gingerbread houses and every year I say, I'll never buy that again... It's supposed to be fun, right? Some how we end up smashing, mashing, and praying it'll stay together just long enough to get a finished photo. The picture looks the same every year. Same house, same candy, same crap. All Keeli thinks about is being able to eat the thing and all I think about it what a waste of money. This thing ends up being so heavy no wonder it takes concrete like frosting to hold it together, but the frosting adds another 10 pounds to the finished product. There has to be an easier way. Lighter would be better! And to make our own would be more fun. Next year!! It's on my list of must do's... Even if it's not a whole house.. I can surly make 10 gingerbread men and buy up 10 bucks worth of cheap frosting and hard candy to have fun with. After an hour of decorating I looked over at the house and there it laid.. The walls were buckled in and the roof was caved and by now all the frosting glue was had as a rock so it was stuck looking like a sad gingerbread house that had NOT survived a tornado. I figured heck, I'll toss the piece of poo and not even worry about it. Then I thought no I won't either! That's 8 bucks! I got the ole hot glue gun out and pried all those pieces apart and rebuilt our little house. It'll do... It's been a few hours since the make over and it's still standing..

We survived Thanksgiving..

We survived our 3 different Thanksgivings in 1 day. We have not done that in years. I finally put my foot down and decided enough was enough. This year we compromised and just did the very best that we could. When you have a large divorced family it really does ruin your holidays trying to make everyone else happy fitting it all in while you and your family suffer from one car ride to the next. I think next year I'll go back to putting my foot down. It was not a bad day and we enjoyed what little time we had at each house. But it would have been nice if we would of stuck with just one or 2... Keeli's blood sugars stayed with in a good range the whole day. That's my main goal. We all came home and crashed after eating our butts bigger and driving all over the place. I didn't wake up at midnight and race to the nearest Walmart to catch that 150 buck TV. I can't imagine those people who stood in line for 6 hours to get a TV. It's crazy what these stores do. They cram a thousand worn out ladies in a store and expect everyone to play nice. So far I've heard of one lady getting punched in the face for defending a little girl who had a toy snatched out of her hands by a grown loser. And a few bullets being shot some other place. WOW... This is what people have for a tradition... What is the goal? To see if they can make it out alive. There really needs to be a Black Friday video game. You win by how many deals you get and how many people you can kick and shove out of your way. This is not for me. I hate that I miss some deals. My husband and I just go out that night and we end up getting a few sale things. So far we have about 3 presents bought and that's it!! I need to get on the ball. Lindsi's birthday is up next so I will focus on that first and then get all my Christmas shopping done. I think I'll make some goodies to give the adults. I'll share whatever I decide to make...

Keeli's 3 month check up..

Keeli goes to the Endo clinic every 3 months... She rotates visits between her nurse and her doctor. Yesterday was the doctor. Her visit was good. She's at 55 pounds. Just over a year ago she weighed 38 pounds... She was 38 pounds at age 5 and age 6... 17 pounds pounds for her in a little over a year is great! It's amazing all the changes I can see in her from just a year ago.. Growing so well, and eating better are signs of a healthy child. We must be doing something right. Her A1C went up a little. It's at 7.1. I was upset to see it had gone up but for school age children they want it to be under 8. The doctor told me that when he sees consistent 6's then most likely after looking through a patients chart of numbers there are a ton of lows. Keeli has her lows and her highs, but she also has a good amount of normal in range numbers. That's what we thrive for. Every finger prick is a guessing game.. When you see that in range number it really is like winning a prize. I talked to her doctor about the artificial pancreas... I received an email from JDRF about it and I didn't know much of anything. The only thing I had read about a while back was a pancreas transplant and there is no way I'd be on board for that. Keeli can make her decisions when she grows up but for now I'm in charge. After he explained to me that it's not a transplant and that it actually is a mechanical device that is attached on the outside of her body and is smarter then I am I felt better about it. There is still kinks to work out I'm sure. But to know that one day there will be a device out there that is smart enough to read and supply insulin to adjust to ones body is amazing. I fear of malfunctions but there would be a sensor on it that would go off is something wasn't right with her or with the device. It's very interesting. I am scared to think of putting a lot of the care for Keeli into a machine but if this was to be something that could prevent long term effects of having diabetes then how could I not be in favor of it? I try not to think of all the things that can happen to her body when she grows up just from being a diabetic.. Those thought are on my mind, I just chose to filter then and push them as far back as I can. I know the damage diabetes does to the body but I also know that for as long as I'm here on Earth I'll do all I can to keep those things from happening.

Veggie Soup

I hate recipes that call for a million things. I don't cook like that and everything tastes pretty good. I'm always in a rush and we aren't fancy eaters.. It's chili time and soup time. I make mine the most simple way and everyone seems to think they are tasty. I never have any left overs.

Veggie soup..
I like hamburger meat in mine, but you can use beef tips.
I fry up about 3 pounds of meat ( we eat on this for a few days)
When I get frozen veggies I cook it longer. But honestly I usually end up grabbing cans. Terrible!

cut 3 large potatoes into cubes, I boil mine until they are done...
You can also just buy the can potatos.. I've used them when I'm in a hurry and they taste just fine..

Carrots get cooked as well first, but the same goes for the canned carrots... I cut up about 5 of those, or 2 cans..

Hamburger meat
2 cans potatoes
2 cans carrots
green beans
yellow can corn
peas
chop up a small onion (if you want)
Throw all your veggies in with your meat after the meat is drained, pour 2 large cans tomato sauce over it all fill 1 can half full of water and add it to your soup. I like mine thick, but if you don't then add more water. I bring all of this to a low heat simmer and I let it cook for about 2 hours. Fresh or frozen veggies I cook a little longer. Thats it.. No package or starter package... I promise it tastes great!! Fry up some corn bread to dip in it.... Yummy..

Chili.. easiest chili ever.
Hamburger meat cooked and drained
onion
bushes chili beans (2-3 cans) I HATE KIDNEY BEANS!!
tomato soup (2-3 cans) fill one half full of water and add it...
I sprinkle a little chili powder. My family likes the taste of the off brand chili powder better.
I boil my spaghetti noodles on the side because only 2 of us like the noodles in our chili..
I let this cook at a low simmer for about an hour.
We always use shredded cheddar cheese to top it.. It's great and literally takes maybe 5 minutes after you have you meat cooked.
Remember to buy some hot dogs for chili dogs, and some Fritos for Frito pies to have with your left over chili.

Dogs...

We have an outside dog, she's old as dirt... She was a gift from my husband because my other doggie Jake died.. I HAD to have another one. He searched and got me exactly what I wanted.. Me and Lindsi came home one day and he had the puppy all bundled up on a baby blanket sitting inside of a little wooden baby bed. She was so pretty... Fat 8 week old chocolate lab. I knew I wanted another lab because Jake was a lab and he was perfect. Jake being black and a male I decided I didn't want one that looked like him because he was too special to "replace" So I asked for the opposite. Well... I lived through total Hell with this dog. She tortured me at even moment she could. I'd come home to chewed up shit all over the house. She slept in the bed with me and she chewed the sheets, Lindsi's special Shea Shea baby doll. She crapped everywhere.. Pissed all over the place. NON STOP! She didn't listen to a word we said. As she got a little older I decided she needs to stay in her crate while Lindsi was at school and I was at work. I couldn't tell you how many people gave us that advice... They will be fine, they will get used to it.. It'll help to train them, they won't pee or poop in the cage... etc. Oh but ALL of those people had normal dogs, my dog was the spawn of Satan. She punished me every way she could for putting her in that crate. I had just found out I was pregnant and the dog only got worse. SHe attacked everyone that came through the door. Not by biting but the jumping and clawing and crazy shit that drives company up the wall... Then she started living up to her real name... She became a bitch. I'd come home in the freezing cold to a dog that would crap in her cage roll all around in it EAT it and the puke it back up.... YES! Almost everyday I'd have to drag that crap covered dog outside in the winter weather give her a bath and wash out her cage... I'd cry, I'd stress, there were many times I just wanted to open our front door and set the bitch free... The few times she would get away from us she'd run away.. My husband would chase her down the road into other people's yards. I knew she'd come back but IF she got hit by a car my luck she wouldn't of been killed just hurt and there we would be having to fork out a ton of money to fix a broken dog.. NO THANK YOU! We took her to the park and she'd pull us all over the place. We got her a choke collar so she wouldn't drag us, she still did. Her eyes would bug out of her head and turn blood shot red and she'd still pull... She'd bark in the house until you felt deaf.. We bought a shock collar just to break her of it. NOPE... It fried the hair off her neck and shocked her until she had vampire marks bleeding through her fur... She wouldn't stop for anything. Pointless. We couldn't use that anymore. Training is one thing but to continue to use it was pure cruel. Besides it didn't work so what was the point? Right before having Keeli I decided she needed to go outside. I didn't trust her around the baby and I didn't need that added stress I knew she'd cause. We live in a neighborhood with kids and stray dogs so she had to have a pin... She adapted so well to the cage. And I adapted so well to a dog free home. It was wonderful. No shit, piss, barking, jumping, hair, NOTHING.. Very relaxing. She's been out there for 8 years now. When we give her a bath or let her out, she runs right back into her pin. She's content out there. Keeli can pet her and I trust her now. The fur around her face is white, and if she has an over active day she walks with a limp. I know she's losing her hearing because I can walk all the way to the cage before she comes out of her house to greet me with a jump and a bark. She doesn't run off when I open her cage to feed her and give her fresh water, she doesn't go crazy and jump on me. For some reason this summer the flies were attacking her. They have never done that before. I was so angry watching them torture her. It was weird. Her ears were eat up, her nose was eat up and I was on a mission to get these pesky flies off my dog. I cleaned her wounds everyday with peroxide and ointment. I hung up bags of water and pennies all over her cage alone with fly traps. It all worked and with in days she looked back to normal. She let me take care of her everyday. It made me sad. Thinking about how bad I've hated her for all these years... I know she's old and I'm going to walk out to her pin one day and she's not going to come and greet me. I don't know what I'll do. I can't say I love her like a family member, that was Jake.. but I can say I love her like a pet.... Keeli asked for a dog of her own from Santa last year, she got it.. Her name is Eli, she's a Jack Russell... She is a whole other story!! Getting Eli has made me realize I'm not a dog lover like I thought I was.

Incredible Dave's birthday party..

I made some cute Minnie Mouse cup cakes for the Party!!

Kennedi turned 2.. She had her birthday party at Incredible Daves.. A party package for 10 kids 3 food choices and drinks for under 300.00... Not bad considering I can't throw a party for under 500 to save my life. Seems all of Keeli's parties hit near 1000.... We consider it a family get together since Keeli's birthday is in the summer. What better time to have a party.. Kennedi had a great time. The place was packed. The party helpers did a good job. They offered the bouncies and the obstacle course for the package... FUN.. sorta. how can anyone justify allowing 2 year olds and 10 year olds in the bounces at the same time? They said there are a lot of bloody noses.. Say what? If my little one got a bloody nose from a 10 year old kid I'd be livid... There needs to be age limits. Not to mention when you are paying for the party I say 30 minutes of party guests ONLY... The obstacle course is another story. it's plenty big for a ton of kids. It's up to the parents rather their child is old enough to join in on the madness. Walking around you hear people talking about getting as many tickets as they can so they can get something in the shop area.. it's crazy.. Spend 50 bucks on games to get enough ticked to purchase an eraser or a bouncy ball.... It's not the kids that go crazy over the tickets, it's the adults... The shop has everything from pencils to neon blinking signs... The party room is another story. I wasn't happy about it at all. 3 round tables, for 10 kids, a few extra seats. What about parents and grandparents and friends? There wasn't much elbow room and all the rooms are separated by dividers. We could hear other families singing Happy Birthday! This needs to be fixed. A little more space is necessary. Over all it was a good day and the food was great compared to Chuck E Cheese! Granted Chuck E Cheese is half the price... But that place is sooo yesterday right?

Today is World Diabetes Day!! How could we not do something for diabetes. Granted we live with it everyday. But still... For school we didn't do a lot. We did study about diabetes, and the pancreas. Keeli drew a slew of pictures and wrote the shortest story in history about diabetes... A local movie theater just re opened.. They dedicated today to JDRF... It was great. All movies, popcorn and drinks were 2.00 each. We asked Keeli's cousin to go. We had a good time. Keeli acts like these days are just another day. She is a child and she doesn't understand the importance of these days. But for me to make them a part of her life hopefully as she grows older she will become an outspoken volunteering advocate of this disease. I wish everyone understood how diabetes effects their bodies everyday, and the importance of doing all you can to take care of yourself so they won't have long term effects from this disease. Hopefully with more voices and more awareness so many children won't end up in the hospital deathly ill with parents not understanding what could be wrong with their child. Parents of every child should know the signs, adults should understand the signs. It's just not talked about. I believe the reason it's kept so hush is because there aren't real answers as to why someone has diabetes. The possible causes could drive you crazy. It's almost like they've thrown any and every MAYBE out there. For the ones that have it I'm not so sure it even matters why.. But for the ones that don't, we need answers... It fits that saying everyone hates... It is what it is.. it's diabetes. Once you are diagnosed with it, that's that. You have it for life. There is no reversing, there is no growing out of it, and there is no getting better. The only thing we have is faith in God that we can do our very best to provide our children with the proper health care they deserve.. It's crazy when you think about it. Your child gets diagnosed with a chronic disease and with in hours your home alone treating them, when 24 hours before you had no clue what type 1 really was. Giving shots, pricking fingers.. Talks of going to low, seizures, and DKA causing coma, when your too high. It's over whelming. What gets a parent through it is... our children. You learn. We are it. It's strange to celebrate diabetes.. but I try to look at it as, we are celebrating the fight against it, and the fight for a cure and prevention! Today was not a sad day.. We made it a great day!

The comforter is done..

I'll post a picture tomorrow of her little bed. It looks cute. Nothing professional but for my first time I think it's just fine. I took an orange pillow and added a felt cloud and elephant to it for her bed as well... If it all unravels tomorrow I'll just keep it to myself.

I've been thinking a lot about homeschool and wondering if Keeli knows enough. I'm sure all homeschool parents go through these feelings. I decided tonight to get her reading cards out and see how many words she knew.. We've not even looked at those in so long. Out of 55 cards she knew 53 and the other 2 she just needed help understanding it was a long or short vowel. I'm realizing just how screwed up the English language is. I never put a lot of thought into it. Now that I'm teaching a 2nd grader to read, and write, spell, and all the other things that go along with writing a proper sentence. It's difficult. Too many words sound alike but spelt different. Letters being said different for different words. PH sounds like a F. It can send a mom over the edge. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed that as she matures she will understand there isn't a reason for it, it's just that way BECAUSE... We haven't done a fun project in a while and I need to get busy on that. First grade was more fun.. Less learning and more interacting. I think they learn while they have fun, but with Keeli she is so easily side tracked I am trying to keep it a little more strict this year. I just want her prepared. I honestly do think kids learn from each other. It would be easier for me to teach 5 kids apposed to just one. But we gotta do what we gotta do. She surprises me at some of the hard things she gets so fast and the simple things don't click. Those simple things are sometimes the hardest to teach. I wouldn't trade homeschooling for anything, except a cure for diabetes.. But I think I'll always question my ability to teach her as well as a professional.

Dive right in..

So tonight after dinner I'm going to attempt at taking a full size comforter and cutting it down to a toddler size comforter. Kennedi is now sleeping in a toddler bed and I'd LOVE to have this particular comforter match her bed. We bought Lindsi one for her room when she had a full size bed and now she has a twin. It needs to be cut down anyway. It may look like crap when I'm done but, I think I can fix any mauled up job I may do. If not well.. then it'll be trashed! I will learn how to sew. Off to search for a good video on how to thread a sewing machine...;)

Hair bows and sewing

I've decided to make some hair bows. Yeah, I know a million other moms are doing this very thing... But I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm enjoying it. Once I get several made I want to take them to the beauty shop and see if they sell. I figured I'd start small. My main goal is to sew. I love kids clothes. If I can get that crafty bug in me from hair bows maybe I'll get the crafty bug in sewing! I'm excited just thinking about it. Scary part is!! I've never even threaded a sewing machine! When my sweet granny passed away for some reason I was given her old sewing machine. It still looks like new besides the fact it's old as dirt. It's a table sewing machine, and I've used it to sit things on and I've not paid it attention since it was brought to me other then to dust it. So I opened her up and took a gander. It was pretty dusty and needed a good cleaning. I cleaned it up this weekend. It made me sad. Every time I scrubbed I knew I was scrubbing Granny's finger prints off. She used it to mend my Grandfather's pants and shirts and to make little doll clothes. I could see her hands working away while I was looking over it. That made me really want to learn twice as hard. What better machine to start with then hers.

Christmas Tree time

I decided I would drag the Christmas stuff out tonight. I usually don't set anything out until later in the month, but I thought ehh why not? It only gets to sit out for a month. We can enjoy it a little longer this way. I wanted to get it all done and make the house look pretty before my husband came home from work. I figured the 8 and 2 year old would pester me beyond belief not to mention the dog, but they were all tolerable. Thank you Wii, Ipad and doggie cage! I went up to the attic shoved a years worth of junk out of my way and dug through the Christmas things. We don't have a ton. At times I wish we did but then the clean up would be horrible. I brought all the boxes down... the the trees. 3 smaller ones and then our big one. Set the tree up. Don't purchase the prelit trees. They suck. We bought it 3 years ago and the 2nd year the lights were all out! So last year I headed out and bought more, LED.... I decorated out shelves and set a few more things out then it was time to decorate the tree... lights, ribbon, ornaments... I took my time and spread out every branch and I was excited and patient. Usually I just want to get it up and it be done. I hook up the lights before I put them on the tree and guess what! YEP, most were OUT... This infuriates me!! I sat down with the 2 year old in my lap and went through every flipping bulb.. Replaced any that looked burnt out and still over half the strands weren't working. I did this for over an hour... I decided screw it I'll just get more tomorrow. Why does this happen every year? It sure blows your Christmas spirit all up in the air.. Now it's late and I have empty boxes sitting all over the house, and green tree pieces everywhere.. The house is a disaster. So much for the hubby coming home to a pretty house... I really don't want to head out tomorrow to get more lights because then I'll see everything else I want to put on the tree... Last year I decided we'd go for a green, gold and brown look for the tree. I really like it. My husband is sick of the brown everywhere in the house but hey, it matches everything. Now instead of one of my 30 minute clean ups, I need to do it in 10 minutes.. because I'm ready for bed!!

Halloween is HERE..

Well the kids are excited and it's time to trick or treat!! It's chilly today so we are going to have to change up on the costumes.. Kennedi's Indian costume will be too cold so she's going to be a witch. Keeli is still stuck on the zombie bunny, but the bunny costume will not keep her warm enough. She will be a zombie soccer player. I went to sift through what was left over at the store just for a back up and NOTHING was really left. We just have to go with whats around the house. We've yet to carve a pumpkin!! Yikes. I think we will do that in a few. Maybe even roast our pumpkin seeds.

I remember this time last year I was in a panic over all the candy and how would Keeli even enjoy this day ever again. I've come to realize you just do what you did before. Before diabetes I'd of never let her eat her whole bag of candy so why fear she will want to now? We will go trick or treating have a blast, hope to stay warm... Come home check the candy and I'll let her pick out 30 carbs worth, stick a little insulin in her arm and all will be fine. One good thing is with treats like this, we can put them in out treat jar that we use for lows. We will be stocked for a long while. She told me one day she loved having lows because then she could eat candy with out a shot! :( That makes me sad BUT she was smiling so I pretended to agree. I'm sure tonight when I check her she will run a little high from sugar and excitement but at least she gets to be a kid. I'll worry about all the diabetes stuff so she won't have to. We will prep for our walk, I'll have her a tad higher then normal... so we won't have to worry about a low. If we are lucky we will come home to a good number. I feel like preparing for things helps. It's great when it works out. With diabetes though some days it doesn't matter what you do it tends to rebel. I'll post pictures of the beauties!! and that poor pumpkin that's been neglected. Wishing everyone a safe and wonderful Halloween!!

What to do?

I've been thinking a lot about how to make a little extra income. My husband found out the place he's been working at for almost 20 years is shutting down. We are a one income family.. This will be so new to us. I know so many people in America are struggling with this very same issue. I'm scared and pissed all at the same time. We have the opportunity to move 8 hours away for my husband to stay with the same company. A part of me feels like we need to do this. We have a child with needs and she may need help when she's older and I want us to be financially able to do anything for her. I think about starting all over from scratch again. We were so young then.. Now we are older and more worn out. How did things get this way? It doesn't even matter anymore who's fault it is, what matters is getting it fixed. I don't want to live scared we can't afford prescriptions that our child needs to survive, or scared we won't be able to feed our children or take them to the doctor when they are sick. Ahh it drives me up the wall just thinking about the change that is about to hit us. I'm clueless as to what we need to do to just make it all OK. I don't want to put Keeli's diabetes care in someone else's hands. I want to be here to take care of her. Monitor her and know how she's doing all day. At least while she's still younger. I need to make money from home. I've looked through several sites and knowing most all of them are a scam it tends to freak you out. I did come across one site that I'm very interested in and I think I'm going to really give it a ton of though over the rest of this week. From what I've read and seen it's legit. Hosting parties is one of my favorite things to do.. and selling bags and purses would be a joy. Blend them both together and I think I could do this. I've got people skills but I've never sold anything in all my life. It would take dedication, but I don't want to get frustrated with it and give up. I know this isn't a get rich business but the extra dollars would be better then nothing. And as of right now I've got nothing to offer. Wish me luck on this decision. I feel good about it, but still guarded. I need to stop being that way and learn to take chances. Looks like we won't have a choice. Back to the research.....

Meatball sub

30 minute clean up.

I have found mornings are the best time for me to get my 30 minute cleaning done. We start our school day with 2 work papers and imagination drawing, I fix my cup of coffee, sit Kennedi on the couch with the Ipad, yes an almost 2 year old can get a lot of use out of the Ipad. I set my microwave timer on 30 min and get started. I unload the dishwasher to make room for the daily dirty dishes, I wipe down the counters from our breakfast mess, I go through the house and sweep kitchen, dinning room, living room and hall. Run the swiffer over each room (wet) pick up the bathroom, dust the living and dinning room. Fold the load of laundry dried the night before. Gather a load to start after 8pm tonight. Go through a straighten any little mess that's been made. Beep beep times up.. It really makes our day go smoother with a clean house. It's never perfect but it's decent. I try to make sure the kids rooms stay cleaned up enough that it will take no longer then 15 minutes to get them back to the way I like them. You never know when you'll have company pop in plus I don't care what anyone says, a cleaned up house just makes you feel better. MY issues are organization skills, I have none. I need to learn. This drives me crazy.

Dinner tonight...

Tonight we decided on spaghetti and meat balls, which I'll make meatball subs with the left overs tomorrow. I will post some pics tomorrow too. It was yummo..
How I do my meatballs...

I used about 3 pounds of meat
1 egg (whites only) no real reason for that other then too much egg makes the meat tough IMO.
Italian bread crumbs
Parmesan cheese
a dash of garlic
mash it all together
I separate about a cup of the meat mixture to cook in with some sauce.
remember I never measure so I just go by the feel..
I roll them into 2 inch balls because they shrink.
I do fry these but they fry in their own nasty grease.
I know they can be baked and I need to start doing that.
I use spaghetti sauce from the jar. I don't make my own because honestly I love the jar kind. I've used several different kind and they all turn out good. I let the balls fry for about 10 minutes and then drain that grease, I then pour about 2 cups of sauce over the top and cover for another 20 or 30 min on med heat. While they are cooking I boil my noodles and fry up the rest of the meat. Drain the noodles pour the sauce over them and mix in the cooked hamburger meat.
I keep the meatballs separate and just add those on top, but it makes it easier to make the meatball subs the next night.

toasted Hoggie buns
meatballs
mozzarella cheese = great left overs.

Keeli's blood sugar 2 hours after spaghetti and meatballs, side salad and garlic knot roll was 175.. Damn noodles...

Just let her play...

I promised myself when I had Keeli I'd let her live fully with out smothering her. When I had our first I was greedy with her. I never would trust anyone to help me take care of her. I was so afraid of SIDS that I hated the thought of her staying with grandparents while she was a baby. They asked and I'd come up with some lame excuse. I was so selfish with her that it makes me angry at myself now. When I had Keeli I knew I'd still be selfish in letting her stay with people but I'd let her climb trees.. jump off the porch.. run barefoot with out the fear of a bee. Every tiny little thing that could happen to my kids consumes me. I do know it's an issue that I have. I can't stop it but I can try and make it better. So when Keeli was able to get around I let her explore inside and out. No baby gate just free range. She learned what she was allowed to touch and what she wasn't. When she was old enough for a swing set I let her go at it. Sure as she climbed the ladder to the play house at the top to slide down that big ole slide I cringed inside but I put on a smile and simply said, "just be careful" she never needed help. She was swinging on her on the day we got it.. sliding on her belly.. fearless to a degree. I loved watching her. I bit my tongue a lot... I let her stay with grand parents, go shopping with my sister. That's a big one for me. The thought of someone losing her or not holding her hand in a parking lot. But I had to trust that she would be ok. Believe me every time she was away having the time of her life I was sitting at home scared to death. I was proud of myself I was keeping my promise. Then came diabetes... It crashed all the strength I had built to let Keeli be free. I'm back to where I was all those years ago with Lindsi. I don't think people understand. Having a diabetic child means ANYTHING can happen. While she's asleep let me be honest she can die. And that's the truth. If she isn't monitored and she drops in her sleep that's all it takes. How can I trust someone to take on that responsibility. I feel like it's living with the fear of SIDS all over again. Some nights I only check her 2 times... There have been lots of nights I check her every 2 hours. Depending on the kind of day she's had. No more feeling the grass between your toes.. She needs shoes. I hate boo boos because if she runs higher it takes longer for them to heal. Not too long ago she was going through a high spell and the dog scratched her.. not bad but it took 2 weeks for that small scratch to heal. it wasn't infected it just looked new for 2 weeks. I homeschool due to shit schools and diabetes. How can I find the strength again to let a little go?

The other day she was playing on the deck. I had the back door open which is on the deck and she was riding her scooter on it.. There is a neighbor girl Keeli's age that asked her to come over and play. I don't even care for these neighbors. I don't know them. I am able to see their back yard from my door (the open door) Keeli ran in and asked if she could please go over there and play in her yard. I took 2 deep breathes and said sure, just until the pizza comes... I knew that would only be about 20 minutes. The little girls mom was outside (she usually isn't that I can see) Keeli ran over there as fast as she could. I walked by the door about 5 times just to take a peak. She was having a blast. She kicked her shoes off and was bouncing on the trampoline, running and just enjoying herself. I bet she didn't think 1 single second about her diabetes, but I did. I didn't want her to have to leave for being low. I didn't want to call her back home so I could check her real quick.. I just trusted in her that she would listen to her body. It was dinner time and I knew she needed to eat. Which means she'll start going low. The pizza came and I stepped out to yell for her. She came home with a huge smile. I did it. I let her go a little. Maybe it's not the parents I'd pick for Keeli to be around BUT as long as she's playing in my view I think it'll be OK. I can't keep my eyes on her every second of her life. I'm just terrified that the minute I stop something will happen. Fact is, she's growing up and I just need to let her....

Kitchen tips...

I think my kitchen stays the messiest of any room. I spend most of my time in here and I don't get much accomplished at all. We tend to be over run with trash.. Nothing worse then stinky trash.. The kitchen is small so even a little mess makes it look like a disaster. I think we seriously have more trash from the 5 of us then anyone else in AMERICA!!! Where does it come from.. Kitchen tips that help me, that I really need to stick to are..
Have your main trash can for regular trash, Keep a grocery bag from the store handy.. The brown paper bags are the best. I think of it as my way to recycle that bag instead of throwing it out. Sit it in from of your sink. Scrape left overs or any food through out the day that could stink up your regular trash can. I can fill a large one up in 24 hours. While our other trash can stays less full with only paper items.. Think of the money saved using bags from the store for your trash and you will only need to replace your reg. trash bag once a week. Nothing smelly in there so why bother? Just take the paper bag you've used all day and chuck it outside in the trash before you head to bed...
I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a dishwasher. I find the best way to keep the sink from being cluttered with cups and dishes is to unload the dishwasher every morning each time we use a cup or a plate we put it in the dishwasher. I fill up a large cup with soapy water and keep it on or in the sink and throw the silverware in it to soak all day.. Those tend to get crusty just sitting in the dishwasher. While I'm cooking dinner I just fill it up with the dishes I use to cook with... Scrape the left over food into that brown paper bag rinse and stick the dinner dishes in the dishwasher. I try not to run it until after 8 pm.. They say it's cheaper on your utility bill. Rather that's true or not I have no clue... But what's it going to hurt? By 8 your most likely done with the kitchen anyway. I put that silverware that has been soaking all day in there and let it run.
Keeping seventh generation disinfectant spray on the window seal to spray the counter tops down at the end of the day help keep those germs away.
I'll admit I'm a paper towel fanatic. We go through them like they are free!! That has to stop.. Keeli has to wash her hands often in order for us to do blood sugar checks. Clean fingers equal a more accurate reading. Just for her alone she goes through about 15 paper towels a day. NO MORE!! From here on out she will have her own hand towel sitting beside the sink for her to use instead. Plus that will cut back on the trash over load too.
I don't change out my swiffer pad everyday.. Those are too costly for me to get one use out of them. If we have a spill I clean it up myself. I've switched to an off brand wet wipe to go on the swiffer. The smell isn't a great as the other but who cares that smell fades as soon as the floors dry. It also doesn't have that rough scraper on her edge but I never used that anyway. These are just fine. I need to check to see the price difference. I sweep everyday and I run the swiffer over the living room, dinning room, hall and kitchen when I'm done. I've noticed the wet pads don't stay wet through that cleaning they start to dry up after a couple of rooms... The good kind and the off brand. I just spray my Mr. Clean febreze on the floor and mop away. I use that pad for about 3 days. Is that gross? Oh well. It works for me. Personally I think a mop is more gross it never gets changed out ;)...

Homeschool space or lack there of

Oh how I wish we had a spare room or even a basement for me to homeschool in. I see all these homeschool rooms and I think of a million things I could do to one and make it special. Sure I only have one homeschooler but still. I don't over purchase things so it won't take up a ton of space. Last year and the start of this year we used the kitchen table. I have heard of most people doing that which is fine until you need that table. It ends up with a mound of messy papers, books, crayons, craft and it becomes overwhelming and then you end up losing your kitchen table. I decided I was about done using that table. Besides Keeli needed a little space just for school. I found a small table at an antique place my MIL works at (this table isn't an antique) but it was perfect for our small house. There is just enough room for Keeli to do her work and have her books on. Plus I took a fish bowl poured some messy paint drips on the inside of it and added a bow and we put her crayons and color pencils in it. They end up all over the house so instead of worrying about a box we can just toss them in the fish bowl. Keeli had an art easel that I haven't been happy about since Santa brought it. So I broke it down and hung the chalk board on the wall, it had little shelves on the easel to put your chalk and paints in so I took those apart and hung them on the wall... One is for her little reader books and the other one is for her glue and scissors. This keeps those out of reach from the 2 year old. The desk does have a drawer and I use it for her drawing papers. It's a small little area and it's right by the kitchen table but it's serving it's purpose. Since we used little things we already had and the old table was my MIL's we got it for free! The only thing I did to it was paint the top black. I am going to stencil ABC's along the top and get some cute knobs... I'm proud of our free homeschool space. And I have my kitchen table back!!

Dinner

Tonight I planned to have meatball subs... Until I looked in the fridge and remembered I had forgotten my hamburger meat. Blah.. I hate when I do things like that. I forgot about 5 important things on my list... I made a quick dinner that took me about 30 min or less and it was cheap... I decided since I had a couple of chicken breast and some broccoli I'd just make chicken and broccoli casserole... I normally slow cook chicken but since tonight I was in a crunch I just cut it in cubes and threw it in a skillet for about 15 minutes, steamed my broccoli for about 5 minutes, tossed some milk and cream of broccoli soup in a sauce pan. I never really measure anything. I tend to over do the things recipes call for that makes it taste so good. 1 cup of shredded cheese for me equals 2 cups! I layered it.. broccoli, chicken, a few sprinkles of cheese, poured my soup/milk, (2 cans) almost 2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese and bread crumbs. It was really good for a quick dinner. I had a few squash in the fridge so I stuck the casserole in the oven for about 15- 20 minutes and cut my squash. I steam squash until it's almost too tender but that's the only way anyone will eat it around here, I chop a little onion and a spoon of butter let it cook on med high for 15 minutes. Put rolls in the oven and dinner was ready. Everyone cleaned their plates. I'm all for fast cooking. Being from the south the best tasting foods are fried and with bacon grease.. I've gotten away from doing that as often. A few years ago I would have put some bacon grease in that squash, but now I add a little water and butter. It does taste different but it's still good... We have plenty left overs which I'll serve either for lunch or dinner. I'm going to start adding up what these meals cost so I can see just how far I can stretch food and money feeding my family healthy meals on a budget. Counting carbs for a casserole is near impossible for me... I guessed Keeli's serving at 18 carbs added the other since I knew it and waited a couple hours to check her HOPING I got it right... 2 hours after eating she was at 135.. Which means we did good!

Costumes! and Halloween!

Keeli and her great grandmother..

I made little cherry pies!!!!!!!!!!

My niece had her party and it was so much fun for the kids... Keeli changed her mind about wanting to be a zombie at 9 o'clock the night before!! My husband went out with her and she found what she wanted to be.. a BUNNY? Why such the drastic change? I have no clue. Instead of the whole costume she wanted just the little stupid package that only came with the ears, tail and bow tie.. Which meant my husband had to hunt for the other stuff, body suit, leggings etc.. He called me a few times about where he could locate the items and what size. I hated that she picked this kind of bunny out because just a couple of years ago she was a cat and it was all the very same stuff. BUT it's about the kids so I didn't say anything. They were out of white leggings, shoes, and everything else that she needed so he had to get black. We made it work. I ended up sewing a bunny belly on her leotards and stuffing it and I sewed the tail on the back. Added some face paint, which BTW sucks! That stuff is a joke. It never seems to dry.

Kennedi's outfit needed a few adjustments at the last minute but personally I think she had the cutest costume there!

Keeli's blood sugars were great. That's something we fear as parents... Candy, sweets, excitement and diabetes are not friends. It's very unpredictable. I wish people understood how hard it is on a child and the parents when the FUN at a party is over shadowed by a disease. I don't put that responsibility off on Keeli. I let her have her fun. I pull her away from time to time for a quick check. I monitor her as discreetly as possible. There is no need for extra attention to be drawn. It was a great day and we didn't let diabetes stand in the way of that. Now we need our Halloween night plan! What kid doesn't want to eat a butt load of candy on Halloween night?

Do you believe?

I find myself obsessed watching anything on ghosts... Ghost Hunters and Paranormal state are probably my favorite. There are a few I don't care for. I want to see things filmed not dramatized... May as well watch a movie. I don't know where my interest came from. I will lay there at night watching all this crazy stuff scared shitless. My husband says I'm going to open some evil porthole by watching it all.

Growing up the home I lived in most of my childhood was new. As a matter of fact all the homes on my side of the street were brand new. 1 house down the road across the street was older. I don't know what was there before they built homes. I've tried to look it up but the computer can diagnose an illness but it can't tell me what was on a certain property 30 years or more ago. Sure I was a preteen-teen... but my imagination wasn't playing tricks on me. That house was haunted.. As a matter of fact the whole road was. I had two good friends on each end but I never discussed it with the one friend that lived in the older home. She was very religious and I just thought she'd think we were crazy... But my other friend.. Wow we experienced some crazy stuff growing up. Her house was more bad spirited then mine. In mine you could hear the footsteps, voices, cabinets closing. Things moving. Only 1 time did I hear my name being whispered. I was home alone and it scared me probably more then anything else that had happened. her house on the other hand was very cold and scary. Behind our homes were nothing but woods and a few tobacco barns. It was almost a drop off but not too steep that we couldn't climb down to explore. I remember one day seeing some weird looking "thing" walking around but it was so fast I couldn't really tell what it looked like either way it wasn't a person, too big, and it wasn't a dog because it was walking on 2 legs. I don't believe in Bigfoot so I don't know what I really thought it was. I never said a word to anyone about it because so many things happened that some things didn't stand out. A few days after spotting the "thing" my friends older brother was on his bike about to head down the heel, they had made a path way from their house to the creek at the bottom. I asked her where he was going in a rush and she tells me, Oh, he's crazy... He swears he just seen Bigfoot. WTF? At her home (2 homes down from mine) we had seen glowing red eyes, glasses with drink in them shattering in our hands. One night she was asleep on the couch and woke up to that awful static, and in the chair in front of the couch was her step dad. She new it was him because she seen the back of his head and the same shirt he'd wore that day. She called his name and he turned around and it wasn't him.... but it faded away.. One morning I woke up from a horrible dream, I was being chased by a witch and the closer she'd get to me her nails would stab me in the back. A few minutes after I woke up she called me to tell me about the dream she had just had... it was the very same dream I had. We both had marks on our backs. There are a number of things that took place. As scary as it was, I'm not going to lie, we had fun with it. Freaking ourselves out. Something about being a teen a terrified was fun as long as we had each other. After I moved out I still stayed in contact with the other friend who lived on the opposite end that I never told. In general conversation she brings up the ghosts in her house, yeah the same house she grew up in. There was something about the street. It's unsettling and I'd love to find out more. I know what I went through then and I know it was all true. My husband brushed a lot of it off until he was at that house by himself and heard people upstairs. He just figured my mom came home while he was downstairs so he ran up to tell her hey only to find that no one was there. He quickly left the house. I'm glad he experiences a little something. I know I'm not crazy but now he knows I'm not crazy either. Well crazy concerning that... I've only had a few things happen since we left the house. Some were scary and some were odd a few were a blessing. My Grandmother passed away several years ago, I'll write about her one day. A beautiful lady... I feel like she's sent a few messages... One day my husbands keys were missing. They always laid on the kitchen table.. he got ready to leave and.. no keys. We turned the house upside down. The only things on the kitchen table was a center piece, and 4 place mats... We searched forever. He ended up being about 45 minutes late for work... He ended up taking a spare key but he needed this set because he had keys for work on that ring. After he left I looked for another hour. He called me when he arrived for work to ask me if I found them and I told him no... and as I was saying that I walked by the kitchen table and there they sat. Right on the end where he always put them. He told me that maybe it was a good thing they were "missing" because there was a horrible wreck on the way to work... Had he of left on time it's possible he could of been in that wreck. Those keys weren't there the whole time... I don't know where they were or how they got back there but they were missing for a reason. He hasn't lost his keys since... After my Granny passed away my grandfather, being a man, couldn't be alone... With in a few months he'd made a friend. Blah! Someone he knew a long time ago. As a matter of fact both my grandparents knew her and her late husband. I wasn't all too happy about any of this and neither was my mother. but we knew he was lonely and would have just grieved himself to death. So we faked our smiles and acted like we care. One night during a dream I received a phone call... I heard the voice on the other end say, Sissy? (that's what my granny and other family members call me)... In my dream I knew she was dead... and my eyes filled with tears at just the sound of her distinct voice and all I could say to her was Granny.... She said 1 sentence and I woke up. She said, I don't like this.. him being with her, I don't like it at all.... What was I supposed to do with that? I continued to fake it with this other lady but after that phone call it was hard. Eventually that lady left my grandfather and took almost all of his money. It was money my grandmother had scrapped and saved, also money she had saved from the death of her parents. Did she call me to warn me of her? She did know her after all. After the phone call I found out this lady had been married 3 times! My grandfather is a preacher. 2 of her husbands have died and the other is missing? Say what???? Think what you will but I believe my Granny was telling me how she felt about Granddaddy and his new love interest. I mean how much info can someone give you from beyond?

I think having an open mind leaves doors open. I have an open mind... but as much as I love my Granny I don't want to see her standing in my living room!! Through all the things I've experienced I never felt threatened. It's interesting to me. We live lives here on Earth. Life is remarkable in itself who knows what we are capable of after we pass!!

Diabetes and Homeschooling

Today I decided it was time to make a few ratio changes with Keeli's insulin. I've put it off for just a little bit because the weather is changing.. One day she can play outside and the next day it's cold and rainy. Playing outside helps so much to bring numbers down and staying couped up just seems to make them higher. Well, I'd seen enough 180-250's and changed things. I was thinking about how when I made changes if she were away from me for almost 7 hours a days going to school I wouldn't be able to monitor her numbers as closely... Did I do too much, too little... I'm so thankful to be able to homeschool. I can't put that trust in someone else at this time. I commend other mothers who are brave enough to send their children to school. Maybe if we had a better system or nurses that worked full time.. maybe even if I knew Keeli was mature enough to treat a low as soon as she felt it. I just don't have that comfort. For now homeschooling works for us. I can't say I'll do it forever because I miss her getting up and getting ready and coming home and telling me all about her day. I hate to be away from her but watching her thrive with Independence is a wonderful sight... We will just have to wait and see how this next year goes. She's happy at home and I'm happy having her. As for her number changes today.. She did have 1 low. Which I've not seen a low in a LONG time. As for her other readings... She hasn't had a reading above 112 today. I love seeing that. It makes me feel like that just maybe her body feels normal. I know with diabetes the good numbers only last for a short time and then more adjustments have to be made but while it's good it's good!!

Getting ready for a Halloween Birthday Party!

My Niece is turning 4 this week and she is having a Halloween birthday party. My mission for the rest of this week is to create the costumes for the kids. It's so much more fun making your own. Plus who wants to pay 30-50 bucks for a one time wear outfit. Some are so cheap it should be a crime to sell them at the price they do! Kennedi is going to be a little Indian. Keeli started off wanting to be a wolf... How on Earth am I supposed to make her a wolf with out sticking fur on her skin. I finally talked her out of that idea... It took me a while because she was hell bent on it! She exchanged that idea for a zombie... Blah.. Not a lot better but surely we can make this cute? freaky? Either way it won't be as itchy!! For the party I'm going to make chex mix and little pies on a stick. I have some Halloween cookie cutters I think will work perfect. Lets home they turn out as cool in real life as they look in my head! I'll post pictures of the kids and the little pies when I finish them!

Comb overs...

I was thinking today about comb overs. We laugh and snicker behind men's backs when we see one of those sad attempts to hide a balding head. But why? After thinking about it I feel bad. I've seen some that I wish they'd shave it all off. Nothing wrong with a bald man. Check Vin Diesel out or Patrick Stewart... I think their shiny heads are what makes them beautiful. As I was getting dressed today I was trying to find a shirt to cover my muffin top.. It's getting bigger with age, and no exercise. Not to mention I just woofed down some Arbys! Is this baggy shirt my belly comb over? My attempt to hide this aged fat? Probably so. :(

Keeli's Diagnosis

This is a picture of all the supplies it takes to care for Keeli in 1 month... Over 120 shots in a month. Over 200 finger pokes in 1 month...

I thought I would share the day we found out Keeli was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and the feelings and all the emotions you go through.

We made the decision to hold Keeli back from starting kindergarten until she turned 6. We had several reasons and I haven't regretted it at all. She needed to go to her well check up and she had to get her last 3 booster shots. She had gained a little weight but not much. Nothing new for her she's aways been little. We took the pee test and the nurse came back in and asked us to take 1 more because it came back with sugar in her urine. We did another one and I remember thinking to myself what does that even mean. I didn't know anything about it. I probably thought about what she'd had for breakfast that morning. The nurse came back in and told me, "this is strange, no sugar this time"... must of been a defect in the test. I said ok, great and we were on our way. She was so excited about starting school. I was a wreck but I knew I was only 5 minutes away so I could go and eat lunch or help out if the teacher needed me. School started.. For the most part she did really good. Her teacher loved her and I loved her teacher. Keeli did cry a lot. She gets her feelings hurt easy. She didn't want to ever miss a day but she really would of liked it better if I was there at school ALL the time. She got the typical viruses kids get from school... I did notice she was more tired but really she was on a routine and had busy days with waking up early. Life was good... but that urine test for some reason just wouldn't leave my mind. I finally decided to look it up. I needed to just see the what if's... had it of come back again with sugar. Type 1 diabetes.. there is was big bold black letters. I read and read and read. I brushed it off and thought thank God that test showed no sugar. Then I felt like everywhere I turned I was seeing or hearing something about Type 1... At the store, would you like to make a donation for Type 1 diabetes? Nick Jonas was big, There was an episode on the disney channel about a kid with type 1... Then the Apprentice, I've not watched that show since the first season. But there I sat obsessed watching Bret.... What was the deal with all this Type 1. I started feeling like it was a sign. I really started getting scared. I did more research and I was angry that Keeli's pedi office didn't insist on one more test or have us come back another day that week. If she has diabetes this is serious. I got so angry at the office I ended up calling them and telling them I wanted all her records and that I wanted to change pedi's. I had been frustrated at them for a long while now, (a whole other story) but this would of topped it off. This place was literally a 2 minute drive from our home and I've used them for 18 years... But something was telling me to make that change. So I did.... I found an office that I had heard great things about and told them I was searching for a new pedi but with insurance Keeli wasn't due for her next visit for several months. I told them that was fine and she was fine, BUT I wanted her tested for type 1 diabetes, just to ease my mind. I explained to the lady on the phone about her first urine test and how they should of done a 3rd to rule it out... She agreed and set us up an appointment... months in advance, but that IF anything happens to just call and she'd get us in. She acted a little shocked about my request for this urine test but she listened to me instead of treating me like I had no clue since there weren't any symptoms YET. I told my husband that I called and found Keeli a new doctor, he wasn't surprised since he knew I had been fed up with the old office and then I told him I wanted her urine checked for diabetes... Well, I think that upset him.. He didn't want to talk about it and probably thought I was off my rocker. I just explained that it was simply to make me feel better. We didn't talk about it anymore. Time passed... maybe I was looking for things, and maybe things were really happening. I'll list the Off things that I noticed.

First.. Her pants all have the adjustable waste on the inside... At the start of the year we adjusted it to a smaller fit, through out the school year it expanded... by the end of the school year we were back to the same spot we started off with.

She was hungry.... I would wake up in the morning hearing her rummaging through the pantry..

Her belly started hurting off and on, she called it butterflies.

about 2 days out of the week she would lay on the couch because her head hurt and fall asleep.

All those things may stand out but if you add her day into it those could be excused..

She may be thinning out because she's getting older and losing baby fat.
She's hungry because she's a growing girl.
Her head hurts and she's sleepy because she's having to wake up for school so early, and her eyes just may be bothering her from trying to see the board, or doing school work.
Her belly may be upset because she gets upset about being away from me at school...

There was a reason for each of those things.... Then she got a virus. Keeli throws up pretty easy and she catches any bug she comes in contact with. This has always been the case with her. But she was throwing up more often. After this one virus she threw up 1-2 times a day for a week. She acted like she felt ok, just recovering from the virus.

A few weeks before her appointment. She was looking thinner. She needed a drink ALL the time. She had a few accidents in her sleep. Her belly was hurting even more. She was so hungry. We would go through a day or two and then nothing.. back to normal. It was all so subtle.... A few days before her appointment. She drank a whole box of Capri sun in 1 day. I didn't know she was getting them out and when I'd see her with one I just figured it was one from earlier. I didn't realize it until I picked up an empty box. She whispered something in my ear on one of those days, and the smell of her breath took me by surprise.... It was very different. Sweet, but strong. She didn't smell like Keeli. I looked that up and sure enough that was a sign... but I still wasn't convinced... She as still through all of this acting like her normal self. Laughing, playing hard and having fun. The days before her appointment we went to the zoo.... She loves the zoo. She did great. I got one of those huge refill drinks and we shared it and she asked me several times to carry her that her legs hurt and she couldn't walk anymore, typical kid... I told her no she has to suck it up, but she caught a ride on her sisters back for a while. That night before the appointment I got all my questions ready and was set....

The appointment was at 9am... Keeli ate a small breakfast. 2 slices of bacon and toast. We get lost and end up being 15 minutes late.. I had planned on 15 minutes early because I knew all that new patient paper work was waiting on me... I called to let them know I was lost.. We found the place and as soon as we walked in I was pleased. I met her new doctor. Keeli took all the tests they give you, eye test, hearing tests, weighed her and measured her... Afterwards the doctor came in and talked to me about her weight and height. She had finally gotten taller and she was on the chart (kinda) .4 percentile!!! Then she told me her weight... 38 pounds. she's 6 and weighs 38 pounds.... The doctor told me not to worry that she's fine just small. I told her that is the exact weight she was 1 year ago, and that concerns me. As she was reassuring me and telling us how glad she was to meet us and pretty much that we could be on our way, I interrupted her and told her that my soul purpose for this appointment was for a urine test. She was puzzled. I explained and she told me that she'd be happy to do one, but she did look at me like I was wasting my time. I didn't care.. I wanted to know so I could stop holding my breath. We took the pee sample and waited... I feel like we waited forever... Keeli was playing hop scotch on the tile in the room, and telling me she was hungry.. and all she wanted to do was go home so she could swim. Then I heard her new doctor just outside our door. I told Keeli to be quiet so I could hear what she was saying. She was talking to someone on the phone. Then I heard her clearly, she was talking to the closest children's diabetes center. She called an endo and she was talking about Keeli. She was setting up an appointment. She came into our room and said.. I'm sorry, but you are right, Keeli has sugar in her urine and I've set up an appointment for her and you have to go immediately. Expect her to have to stay at that hospital for up to 3 days. I felt a flood of emotions and I couldn't hear her anymore, I couldn't think, I was numb. I just wanted to be wrong. I just wanted that test to stop my fear and obsession I had with worrying something wasn't right with Keeli. But no, I was right. Keeli was still playing hop scotch, she wasn't even listening. I told the doctor and the nurse that I had to go home first, and get my husband. He was asleep when we left. He works at night and probably doesn't even remember her having this appointment. They told me no, that I really must go straight to the hospital. I lost it. I told them I'm sorry but I will be driving to get my husband that I can't do this on my own and I needed him, we needed to all 3 go through this and understand this together. The nurse told me that I just needed to do what I need to do, and she had to tell me what she was supposed to tell me and she winked at me and told me to go. I knew that was my cue to go straight home grab my husband and head to the hospital.

As we left the office, Keeli kept asking me what was wrong. I tried to stop crying so she wouldn't be scared but this time I couldn't hold it all in. She was hungry we had been at that appointment
for almost 3 and a half hours. It was her lunch time. I'd already drove past all our typical fast food stops all that was left on the way home was Dairy Queen. But what the hell do I order? I knew that diabetes had something to do with your body and carbs but what? I didn't know enough. She needed to eat because I didn't know what else we had ahead of us. I ordered her a hot dog, tater tots and a water. She gobbled it up on the drive home. We finally reached the drive way and then I felt like I was wrong by not taking her straight to the hospital, what if something happens between now and the 45 min drive there? Does it get that bad that fast? I was so clueless and felt helpless. I knew when I seen my husband he was upset and had been crying. He told me he was sorry for no listening to me when I tried to talk to him about all of this a few months ago, but none of that even mattered anymore to me. All I wanted was answers and the see the endo. We were on our way....

After being late (again) we finally reached the children's clinic. This hospital is too big and confusing but thank God for a friendly staff. We met with several people. Keeli had to have her blood drawn for all these tests and we talked to the Dr that was there that day. He has had diabetes since he was 2 years old. He is a sweet man and I felt good knowing there was someone who has LIVED with this disease that still looked healthy. He talked and talked and then he said... She will need 4 shots a day... 4? I thought does he mean until she gets better? No, every single day for the rest of her life. 4... That was it. That's when it hit me about as hard as anything could in my entire life. Keeli is a Type 1 diabetic and she will need to be treated for the rest of her life. Why? What caused this? What did I do wrong? Is she going to live? Is she going to need some organ transplant in the near future? Is she going to be OK? All the bad shit that I read on the computer flooded my brain. This is impossible. She looked at me while I was crying and asked me, why are you crying mama? I'm going to me ok. Is your mind capable of absorbing all the information they throw at you at the very same time you are grieving over a diagnosis of your child? NO!! It's not. I can say we are one of the lucky few. Keeli wasn't sick enough to have to stay at the hospital we got to take her home that night. We were on our on. I was scared to hurt her and I'd cry when she'd cry. Everything about those first couple of weeks were unfair. A horrible dream that I couldn't wake up from. Then one day reality sunk in and I realized this was life... Our life, Keeli's life. When people said "it could be worse" I'd get so angry... But it's true. We have her, she's still Keeli and hasn't changed a bit. It was me who had changed. I was the one that couldn't see past diabetes. I was the one that was causing myself all the fear. I went to the classes, learned about food, carbs, and all that stuff that really you just need a good book to learn from. The classes are a nice offer but taking them so early after your child is diagnosed is too much info overload. The fact is parent of a Type 1 are learning how to keep our children alive. Every child is different, their bodies are different and react different to foods and absorption... The key is to find your own way. We are still learning and with this disease I think will forever be learning. It's hard in the beginning poking your little one, and giving them shots, making their little fingers bleed..changing their food etc. until you realize that all those pokes and shots and changes are whats going to keep them healthy and thriving and alive. No, insulin is not a cure, but it's all we have right now. Insulin in my opinion is life. I'm finally OK. Sure I still cry but not as often. I think about her future and how things will be for her. I think about will she have children. What will she be when she grows up, will she be discriminated against, will she have insurance, will she find someone who loves her enough to be willing to take care of her if she has a bad day. I think about driving, and college. It's overwhelming but normal to think about all of these things. After all diabetes or not they would all still be something I'd think about. I believe Keeli will live a long healthy life. I hope since she has to endure this disease that she uses it to spread awareness and helps others one day, then there would be a reason for it. Right now I still don't see a reason. I hate the disease and I hate she has it. But now I can take that breath I've been holding for so long... Life is better.

Poor Fishy

We've had this one fish for years. I'm talking 11 years!! He had a family and they died off one by one until it was just him. He stayed alone for several years in his big ole fish tank home. Then one day I noticed he would swim side ways, upside down, lay on the gravel then get back up. The poor thing wouldn't give in. We had this fish before Keeli (8) was even born. She loved her fish. Lindsi (19) has had this fish since the second grade. I called him the ghost fish. I figured he probably had been dead for 5 or 6 years but his spirit was lingering around.... Well after watching him float and fall for 2 days we decided to "send him off to sea" with the other fish.. The port hole being the toilet... Keeli asked for more fish over and over again. I kept putting it off. I'm not a fan of taking care of a fish tank. It's a pain in the ass and it's so gross. As I pondered over when or if I even wanted anymore the algae continued to grow in the fish tank. We shut the lights off unplugged it and ignored it for a month! Lindsi decided she would surprise Keeli with some new fish and she got an algae eater too.. We needed one! Keeli was happy she had her fish and her "allergy eater" That thing ate and ate until the tank was spotless... He did great! Last night I noticed he was belly up on the gravel... Dang not again.. Keeli will be heart broken if I have to tell her this.. I didn't mention it and when my husband got home I told him about the fishy... Keeli wakes up this morning and I'm dreading her even walking by the fish tank. Every morning she asks "can I feed my fish" She walks to the tank and I see her looking all around. I act like I don't notice. Then she asks where's my allergy eater? I said huh? Where is my allergy eater? So I told her, honey, while you were asleep last night I seen him belly up and well... her eyes got big.. and said, he died???? OMG that is so sad, right? I told her yeah it was. Then she said well, it's sure a good thing he got that tank clean before he died!! She fed her fish and started her day. That was that!